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The Invitation- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

What you need to know

Name: Meggyo
Status: in a relationship
Occupation: student at Slippery Rock Unviersity
Majors: exercise science and enlgish lit
Location: Hershey PA for now
Who I am: a ridiculous short girl who is trying to live the most now while looking so eagerly foward to the rest of her life
Where I wish I was: in his arms
Current question: should I stop wishing for things to go back to how they used to be?
Song of the day: ps. if this is austin by Brad Paisley

The Dance- OMD

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving
those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me.

life is scary, but death is scarier

Tuesday. 11.14.06 10:14 am

I was going to go take a nap now before my 11am class but that would only give me a half an hour, hardly worth it.

So here I am, still wet from being under water weighed to get a fat percenage far higher than I would like, stomach full, eyes ready to close, and realizing how scary it is to think about the future. it never bothered me to plan and all, but now, now that I have adapted this, take things as they come, it's scary. I have a year left to determine my next course of action, because a year from now I will either be applying for a job or grad school.

I have a year... in a year I could die, a loved one could die, I could become handicap, I could find the perfect job opportunity, I could get ill and not be able to graduate on time, my parents could have to move for some reason and I wouldn't even be living in PA, heck! Keith's mom could want to move back to the Phillippines... I mean who the heck knows right? ANYTHING could happen in the next year.

Change happens like that, fast, unexpected. So even if I want to work because I want to get to that next "get married, live on your own, have your own apartment/house" stage of my life and not go to school right after this... I know I might have to. Sure good things are worth waiting for right? I guess... It's just been a long wait. If I go to grad school right out of undergrad I am looking at 6 years to earn my PhD. Unless I change course of action and don't pursue psychology then I will be able to go for like 4 years instead. 6 years... what on earth can happen in SIX years? I would almost guarentee have to move off the east coast to attend grad school unless i went to NYC, Ohio University or UCONN. Even then it would be such a far drive I wouldn't come home except for christmas.

I want to do adult things... I want to go out like an adult, I want to travel like an adult. I know so many 20s year olds that are approaching 30 and have truely lived like an adult already. I want to plan my own vacations, be able to afford my own vacations, go out to dinner, celebrate holidays in MY place.

Don't get me wrong I think that college is ultimately the perfect combination of the world... independence yet not the nit picky financial worrie, unless I guess you live off campus, but even then, making friends is so easy where as once you live on your own with your job, how many friends do you think you will really have? Ultimately people are going to move away from your home town, and your neighbors may be seniors or people you can't be friends with... who WILL be your friends? I will really miss that part of college, and I don't really want to think about it.

i think finding the perfect career is like trying to find the perfect guy... none exists. There will be a very good match, one that can fulfill most of your needs and wants but you will always have to have a hobbie (or friends) or something outside of your job to engage everything you need. or you might need to change jobs every decade or so to reach all the ppulations you want.

I want to teach, promote health, get sex ed into public schools, bring health education to africa for the AID epidemic, treat children who have abused, treat adults who have developed DID, dance, choreograph, dance therapy, play therapy, child life specialist, teach fitness classes, study nutrition, write a book... the problem is trying to figure out which one to start with.

6 years.... 6 years after I graduate SRU will bring me to be 28. I never was one who was so adament about getting married before a certain age and I certainly know plenty of women who aren't married and they are 30, however... I dunno, I just can't neglect the fact that I want it sooner. Not to say you can't go to school AND be married, I've also knownplenty of people who do that too. I guess it's also to think that you will be dating another 7 years till you get hitched. 7 years... and say the stars have it in the plans for me to be with Keith, that would make it 9 years of dating before we even get married. I know people have done it but seriously, 9 years... that's almost a decade. I think after a while people would get restless. Who wants to commit to 9 years without the ensurance that it's going to result in what they want it to in the end... not many, not to say I wouldn't... i just think it would cause some major cobblestones in the road.

So I'm 20. Still sounds too old really. If i live to be 80, that is a quarter of my life. I must admit I have done tons, and I have gained tons of meaningful and precious experiences, I wouldn't take any of them back- even the bad ones. It truely scares me to think that I won't exist someday, that my mind will be gone and that I will never again be here.... so much that I have to stop thinking about it now.

So yea, as much as I want to grow up, it's not because I want to rush through life. I really want to embrace every moment and i try to keep myself from 'wishing it was friday" because I know I only get this time once. I want to grow up and do grown up things because I want to go out and DO stuff! I am ready for the challenges that living on my own, having a job, going to school at nights, having someone to come home to every day, even raising a family... I really am ready! Sure I want to travel and stuff, so ok, the kids can wait, but still... I've done this whole school all day, living with my parents, planning visits to see keith, not being able to buy my own furniture, paint my own walls, have my own decorations and cookware and spices.. for the past 20 years, I need a change. Wow that sounded pretty ridiculous but that serious is it... I want my own pet too.

making myself go to class even tho i dont want to go... damn, I've never been able to skip ONE freaking class this year!

PSYCH! It is 11:01 and I have officially just skipped my first class ever this semester! I figured I would be late anyways and I hate coming in late.

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