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Saturday. 1.3.09 11:58 am
There's quite a lot happening in my head although all I do is sit around at home, surfing the net. I thank god that some people will never find this blog of mine, though I know someone I don't want reading is reading. There is nothing can be done. I have my rights to voice my discomforts and irritations here since you guys complain that I whine so much in such a high pitch you all hear an irritating long beep. The same things making me unhappy and miserable from last year is still here to haunt me. Maybe that's why I'm having nightmares lately.

I wonder how long I'm gonna lie to myself that I'm fine with them leaving me alone when I'm not. There's a difference between then and now. Then I have my best friend. She's there and she is so awesome. She listens and say things that makes me feel relieved. I don't think I can ever find someone to replace her in my life right now. Guess that's why she is my best friend.

No you dufus! I'm not a lesbian!! So what if most of the people who are nice to me and those who I treasure are girls? IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM A LESBIAN! STOP YOUR FUCKING KNOW-IT-ALL SPEECH BEFORE I SLIT YOUR THROAT WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING LIKE A PIG!!!

How I wish I'm like her, she's so busy she turns into a zombie three quarters of the year. If I'm that way, all I would be thinking about is "I wish I have more time to finish this assignment","I have to finish this assignment" and "how the hell am I going to finish this assignment in such a short time?". Then I would not be thinking of all these things about life and relationships and how things could've been and make myself unhappy.

I really need to find an outlet for any accumulated anger over my own stupidity. I can't let it out on others because I'm angry at myself. How I wish that some day I can actually tell them that I'm all angry at everything because of the things you guys say, your expectations, and the things I need to do because of the norm of this society and family traditions. Course that will never quite take place cause everything will be my fault.

Enough miserableness for today. There are more to come but I'm not sure which blog they should be in.

i was made fun for not wanting to get married and such. i was made fun and extremely pressured by seniors and friends or not choosing one of the pursuers back in high school as boyfriend. i was made fun of since std 3 to form 3.

but but it will pass just like a thunderstorm..
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