His funeral was today and my eyes have never felt so heavy before in my entire life. I woke up with a stiff neck WHICH SUCKED LIKE A WHORE because as I was crying, relatives would grab me passionately to comfort me, turning my godforsaken stiff neck to the side and making me wince with agony. Sucked. Like. A. Whore.

The highlight of the funeral was my grandfather receiving a full-blown presidential police escort to Hawaii Memorial Cemetary. I felt really proud because a) These types of escorts in Hawaii are reserved for dignitaries and presidents and b) This caused a lot of heavy traffic and I know my grandfather is pleased with the fact that before he they put him down six feet under, he was able to fullfill his fantasy of pissing off half of the fucking island of Oahu. That was the kind of humor that he lived with and it was just a great way to honor him.

I'm so glad it's over. The house is quiet now, everyone's returned home, and I finally have my bed back. Life can pretty much go back to neutral from here.

I don't think the family will be contacting each other now that the last link of the entire clan has died. We all have nothing in common, and save for a few aunts and uncles, I just don't see a family reunion happening any time soon. And that's fine. Shit like this happens and I have other things to worry about. Like how to snag a job that gives me daily police escorts. Dude, that shit was tight.

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