Aries:
This unspoken, bolt-of-lightnight type of love is amazing. If only you could cast it outside of the Dungeons and Dragons world.

Taurus:
You will find true love when you discover the baby mouse that lives in your basement. There will be compassion in its eyes and comfort in its squeaks and you will call him Compassfort. Unfortunately, Compassfort is slowly dying in the sticky trap you laid out for him a week ago and you will have to drown him in gasoline to ease his passing. Ignore the feelings of guilt that accompany this, for it will be an act of love.

Gemini:
You will think you've found your soul-mate and you will sleep with him.

Cancer:
Halloween is over: throw that pumpkin away and let those kids get back to their parents.

Leo:
You will easily convince some girl you're her soul-mate.

Virgo:
It may be the beginning of November, but you will somehow find time this week to ruin Christmas.

Libra:
You think you're the luckiest person on the planet until you find out the Japanese have developed a five-leaf clover.

Scorpio:
You'll be happiest today if you stay busy. Like a bee, or a prisoner of war.

Sagittarius:
It will surprise you how much blood was able to fit inside your body.

Aquaricorn:
I hope you have stampede insurance!

Pisces:
For as long as you can remember you've been pissed that your life's turning out to be such a joke. And, to make matters worse, you'll realize its's one of those jokes without a punch line that just runs on and on until someone cuts it off.


Later.

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