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theZEBRA
just spent the weekend at the army barracks
Is Chewing On
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Lick Those Stripes!
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Songs of the Plains
Family Court

One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash
Ruby Red
Sunday. 5.2.04 9:42 am
Julian McMahon is yummily hot…and potentially harmful.

Last Sunday, I was on a mission. To slice and dice 60 sheets of paper into itty-bitty pieces. I wielded the Blade with the care and respect such a Tool of Power demanded…and with one eye on the telly following Nip/Tuck.

Onscreen, Dr. Troy (McMahon) sliced his way through a patient’s finger. Offscreen, theZEBRA sliced her way through 5 sheets of paper. Back onscreen, Dr. Troy winced as he sliced off the wrong finger. And offscreen, theZEBRA felt his pain, literally, as she very nearly sliced off her forefinger.

As it turned out, I had myself a lovely deep nick on my fingertip. Not really the best situation to be in for a person with a history of passing out at the sight of blood. Fortunately the Zookeeper was right by my side.

Priorities first. She saved the sliced-and-diced paper and the floor from irreparable damage by cupping her hand underneath my dripping finger. She then dragged me to the bathroom where I calmly informed her that I would be probably face-down in a few minutes. She rolled her eyes and went off in search of a band-aid. Upon her return, she heard a loud thunk. That was the wooden doorframe cushioning my head as I slid down in a dead faint.

Unconsciousness is usually depicted as a peaceful state – eyes shut in a calm, dreamless sleep. Not so. According to the ZooKeeper, my eyes were wide open, pupils dilated and unfocused, my fists clenched, my whole body shaking, and my finger dripping blood onto the parquet. A position quite similar to that of which I was found after witnessing the vanquishing of Cole in Charmed.

To cut a long story short, I was valiantly rescued by the Zookeeper, at the risk of bloodstains on her clothes. She put me to bed and bandaged my finger, thus saving it from gangrene and maggot-infestation.

Thanks to Julian McMahon, I now have a scarred forefinger and a lump on the back of my head. Thanks to the Zookeeper, both the parquet floor and I escaped death that night – I from excessive bloodloss and the floor from excessive bloodstains. Bless the Zookeeper’s courageous heart.

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» Charlie (222.168.10.163) on 2010-08-31 10:35:52

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