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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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To demand
Sunday, September 17, 2023
From The Unsayable: The Hidden Language of Trauma by Annie G. Rogers:
At first words are babbling streams of sound. And though very young children play with words and sounds in turn-taking rhythms with others, they don't use language with the purpose of communicating. But as a child begins to see that words can make things happen, can call forth specific responses from others, she is able to make what Lacan calls "a demand." This is a request for recognition of what she means and for a response that affirms she is loved. Lacan distinguishes between the physiological needs of our earliest infancy, which of course, must be met for the child to survive, and the ideas of a demand. Provided with food and warmth, yet without recognition or any evidence of love, a child with become lethargic, stop growing, and even die. The capacity to make a demand for something, and make herself understood, is crucial to a child's sense of being loved. But making a demand requires a risk; the other person may not understand, or may understand and say no.

The last line is the crucial one here, I think, although the author doesn't expand on it.

The risk of making a demand that is not met can be terrifying, devastating. For a demand to be repeatedly unmet is annihilating. I am talking about demands as defined in the quote, not a demand like "I demand to speak to your manager," of course.

What does it do to one's sense of self to never have one's meaning recognized? Even the most philosophically-averse people are dependent on meaning. We understand ourselves only through the initial recognition of others that provides an organizational framework for the sensory stimuli we intake. People in psychosis who live in a subjectivity so divorced from that of others that they cannot be understood are trapped in isolation. They suffer tremendously.

To be understood and rejected is similarly painful. As children we need to be told no sometimes, to learn boundaries and how to live harmoniously with others. An unreasonable request that is denied is something one can recover from. There are some things we must accept in life, and acceptance really is the only answer. As an adult, things become more uncertain at times. A demand in one interaction that is denied might not be in another. So how do you determine when to let go and accept that you will not get what you asked for?
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