I was revisiting this video:


Talking about "coping mechanisms" as a primary goal of treatment implies that the circumstances that necessitate coping in the first place are unchangeable. Sometimes they are unchangeable, yes, but I think that often there is more that we can do than we acknowledge. To speak primarily in terms of coping mechanisms seems like an act of bad faith on some level and carries an air of resignation in the face of adverse conditions.

The point of this is not to blame anyone who can't get past coping. I don't think it's reasonable to expect that most people by themselves are going to be able to shore themselves up enough to actually change their circumstances in a significant enough way that they no longer need to cope. However, the coping mindset can be detrimental to the treatment process if it's manifesting as learned helplessness. It also takes energy to change something, and if all your energy is spent on coping, you have none left for getting out of the situation you need to cope with.

I think that's where getting help (from a therapist or otherwise) is important, and why community in general is so valuable. In a world where so many people are struggling on their own, we can draw some strength from each other and find ways to make the mere act of existing less exhausting. Merely coping when you could be doing something to eliminate the need to cope is not a noble act.

I'm reminded of a comment I saw once online that said something along the lines of "You don't get an award at the end of your life for putting up with someone's bad treatment of you." That was made in the context of abusive relationships, but it arguably applies to life as well. You don't get an award for managing to endure suffering through your life. The people we remember are the ones who did something to change things. Again, I don't mean to put down the people who just live their lives and aren't movers and shakers of society. I think what I want here is just to acknowledge that there is more to life than coping. It feels especially daunting these days with climate change and wars and the increasingly polarized political arena in our country, but I don't want to be backed into a corner where I feel like I have no option but to cope.

---

On a totally different topic, I was revisiting some quotes I have saved from a book about depersonalization, and this one stood out to me:

"I feel like the 'I,' for lack of a better term, is now somehow situated across many moments. My identity is scattered everywhere; as if I am everyone, and everything, and the spaces between things. And there is a sense of loss, because if this feeling is true, I ought to know everything, feel everything, but I don't. It's like the reflection of the sun being split into shards of light on the sea. I have dissolved, into a kind of 'oneness' with all that exists, but it's a fragmented oneness. It isn't yet complete."

I definitely feel this. It's such a palpable sense of grief at times, to feel untethered to a singular sense of ego and yet disconnected from the ability to experience things from other subjective positions.

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.