I don't know if I am stressed out or what.

For those that don't know...I have been feeling really tired, exhausted even. My muscles hurt, I can't concentrate. Plus so much more. Anyways I went to the doctor and I am anemic, so I am on meds for that. But I am still exhausted...and from doing nothing. It is soooo frustrating. I feel like I have let everyone in my life down. My friends, my family...and my job. I feel like I am useless at this moment. I want to go and see people, hang out with them. But after I work all day all I want to do is just drop when I get home. I know this is not normal. It is not normal at all. I have to wait two months for these meds to raise my red blood cell count, then my doctor will continue to test me for a bunch of things...like depression or even MS. I am scared. First off I don't think I am depressed...but lately I am down because I have felt like this for almost 3 months now. It sucks.

I have lost a lot of friends lately too. A couple, including Phyllis, I have no idea why...they just stop talking to me. I guess it is because I haven't been around or available. But then again I worry about Phyllis cause she may be sick and just not want to tell me. So I sit here and wonder. Not having her to talk to has really made me a mess. But I am slowly getting through it.

I did make sure I was there for Kristina. I wouldn't have missed that for the world. She is one of the most important people in my life. And now she has the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. I thought that my miscarriage would have effected me in some way...and it did for a second. Now I just feel guilty about thinking about it.

I just feel crappy at this moment and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like shit, I am lonely and I am tired. HOW pathetic is that? But the good thing is that for the most part I haven't lost my spirit and I am hopeful that everything will get better for me. I mean I feel guilty enough voicing my problems when they are sooo minute. But then again my "friends" aren't around for me to talk to. I get through each day because I have the strength to continue.

Then there is my career. I actually like my job...I am just having difficulties in grasping commercial design. See before I left school and for every moment up till now I have been doing residential stuff. So I decided to take the BIG step and try something new. It has been frustrating...but that may be the exhaustion. who knows. I want my own business...but I don't have the know how or finances to make that successful...plus I don't have a support system. I want to go back to model homes, but I really don't like the companies here...so I would have to move. Which might not be a bad thing. But where I want to move (MONTANA) there are not any design jobs. If you know of any in western Montana let me know! But there are some openings in Seattle...Krissy would kill me.

Anyways...I think I have rambled long enough. As you can see a lot of stuff is up in the air...and I am trying to figure out how to juggle. Anyone got any tips on how to juggle? null

If you went to Seattle, I'd come visit often :)

Go where you want to go to expand what you really want to do. Don't feel like you have to stay here because you think you'll lose a friend. I'll follow you wherever you go!
» lazypuppy on 2007-01-22 12:38:36

Nah..I couldn't go to Seattle, even though your mom said I could live with them. I couldn't have my cats there and my mom would live far far away. So I will suffer here for a bit.
» pyrogrrl12 on 2007-02-04 12:55:57

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