The saddest story that I have ever read was "Flowers For Algernon." I just finished reading it again a few minutes ago. The story is about Charlie, and how he was first retarded and then became extremely intelligent, then his intelligence recedes and goes back to be mentally retarded again. The things that happen in this story I can really relate to. Like how he gets flashbacks of when he was a kid and how the people around him treated him bad, and the mean things that were said to him. For the most part, I can relate to Charlie because when I was younger, I was verbally abused by my older brother a lot, especially during middle school. When I think about it now, he's the person that stunted my emotional growth and made me feel the deepest possible sadness that exists; to the point of suicide. I couldnt destroy myself, I wanted to live because I wanted to know what happens the next day in this life of mine. As time rolls on, you do get smarter and I discovered that my older brother is just a reoccuring theme, a motif, a supportive antagonist in my life. Considering that i've thought about this concept over and over, analyzing the concept, you can conclude that he is very predictable with his behavior. I know that if I showed happiness around him, he would always find a way to put me down somehow, especially around my cousins. I remember he would beg to borrow money from me just so that he could buy ciggarettes, and then he said that he would owe me back too in which he never really did. I would ask him for the money back, he would tell me to ask week later, and I did, and he got angry at me and started telling me about all the stuff he's bought me. I mean, yeah, its true, he's got a point, but still, I gave him cash expecting cash back like he promised. Now days I dont trust him, but I have to. Now days, he will offer something, but I usually refuse, but sometimes I have to take it because I have no other choice. I take it knowing that it'll be used against me later. It makes me feel like crap. Sometimes I wonder what's going through his head when he offers me something, does he do it because he has some kind of master plan? To just bring down every single little thing he's bought me and put me into a huge guilt trip? If I had a million dollars, I would give him everything back that he's bought me and move away from him. Then live by myself in some apartment here in the valley in solitude. I'd be happy knowing that I dont owe him anything. Maybe someday i'll find true happiness... *sigh*

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