Took a hiatus from Ben for a weekish.
Good times, drank my sorrows away with some of the best friends I've ever had.
Went to what used to be Galveston with my mom. Hung out in a hurricane wrecked/abandoned theme park.
Found pieces of myself.

Then snap. Back to reality. What the hell am I doing? Am I still wallowing in the pain of a heart broken 2 years ago? It's funny how the pain will change forms but somehow still affect me. It hasn't been like an intense longing pain, it was just this bruised, sore feeling that I could usually overlook but sometimes it got sensitive.

How is it someone can be hurt for this long over something that ended fairly and has been resolved. It astonishes me how much I loved him, Matt that is. What was I thinking? I visit him now and see nothing in him that I might have been attracted to, or in love with. Aside from familiarity.

Perhaps I prolonged the pain by making this initially rebound relationship with Ben last so long without taking any time for myself. But although Ben started as my rebound guy, he turned into something much more. He persuaded me to look outside of myself, and at him. And I'm glad he did. He is a fantastic guy. The perfect guy. I saw MANY redeeming qualities in him to which I SHOULD have been attracted but I felt nothing. Because my heart was bled dry, and I lost all perception of my self.

So I'm starting over with him. I wrote him a letter explaining all this in greater detail, and more eloquently. He's such a great find. I couldn't imagine anyone else more perfect for the role of companion to Ashley! I could easily see myself with him for years to come. He fits so snugly into my life.

I'm not going to abandon the promise of something so wonderful for a childish/fantastical illusion that as a twenty-something I need to live the crazy single college life. I can still be crazy, in college, and madly in love.

I'm happy about this.

Happy happy happy!

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.