kiss me before you go, I'm goin' nowhere.

I really should be getting to sleep since I have an 8am class, but my mind is just teeming with thoughts. Same thoughts that always bug me it seems.

I really felt like it was a livejournal night tonight, but it's down for maintenance at the moment. So... Here I am. Hello nutang.

Things with Ben are going perfectly. So perfectly in fact that my inevitable tendency to sabotage it all is creeping up on me. Phrases like "moving in", and conversations containing our future plans for our lives involving one another are surfacing. I don't know if I'm scared because I've been here before, or if I'm hesitant because this is not what I want. I'm leaning towards the latter because I'm really not all that traumatized by the past anymore.

I feel like there is this special bond amongst single people my age that I am missing out on. Not only that, but I could really use a chance to solidify my life goals and educational ambitions etc., and being single seems to allow more time for these things.

The funniest part about the whole thing is that immediately before these feelings arose, I was feeling truly, madly, deeply in love with this Ben character. We went to a wedding in Oklahoma the weekend after Christmas. He was the best man and so we were part of the wedding party and it was just tons of fun. It was very... scene-out-of-a-movie-esque. Then we spent nearly the rest of winter break together and it was fantastic. I didn't mind at all. I was feeling great. I was on an emotional high.

Now I'm coming down. And I'm coming down to this? Again? Ugh...
I wish I knew what to do with myself during these times.

It doesn't help that I feel I have no one to unload all of this on to. My best friend at the moment is one of those damn boys himself and I have suspicions that during least at one point in our relationship he's had a thing for me. Not that the flirting wasn't reciprocated, but somehow that just seems to be how all of my male friendships begin. So because of this I feel uncomfortable talking about things like this with him. Although I'm sure he'd have a plethora of advice, probably good advice too. *SIGH*

Anyway. I'm going to surrender to sleep now...

Special bond amongst single people?

Haven't noticed..
» Dilated on 2009-02-08 11:17:14

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