All the music in my iTunes no longer reminds me of you.
Pictures of you and all our little artifacts, proof that we once were, have disappeared from my room.
The books I read, the places I go, the food I eat, the choices I make no longer reflect your input.

When you first left me I wrote you letter after letter. I remember I couldn't spend a single day without heaving and choking on tears.

Do we still mean anything to each other?
I still think of you. I still think of you and feel the strongest form of sadness I've yet to experience in my life so far.

I still think of you and think of what it might be like if one day, someday, we got back together. Even though I know that can't happen. Not with everything we've put each other through.

Why am I crying? I don't want to cry. No... I do. Because it's a release.

But I really do love someone else, now. And he's fantastic. I almost wish I would have met him before you so that I could love him with a whole heart. Not one with pieces missing. I guess I need to accept the fact that love will never feel the same after the first time. They make it look like it does in books and movies, but they're just stories.

Oh Ben... I'm so sorry I have these feelings. I'm so sorry that I cry for him when you're at work. So sorry. You deserve better. And I want to start giving you better. I think my heart may be healing. I know it's taking long, but it will be worth it in the end, I promise. My undivided love is the strongest and most powerful of all my attributes. And I'm going to give that to you.

*sigh* Nutang is good for emotional panic attacks. I already feel better.

yep :D its the best way to get rid of bad thoughts, type them out XD and then... you seem better already :D
» crz4manga on 2008-07-18 01:46:29

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