Well. Now what?
I sent Matt a text message last night (the first attempt at communication since we broke up). He owes me $40 in late fees on my account at the video store.
Here's how it went:

me: You owe $40 in late fees @ Hollywood. I can't have that on my account. I work there again, please go in and pay it. I'm off wed and thurs so that's a good time.

him: I can't pay it until next thursday, Andrew got me in some debt with his stupid habit, is that ok?

me: That's fine thanks.

*at this point I feel really bad for being a dick*

him: You are still up? How are you doin?

me: The text woke me up, heh. I'm good. I started at Hollywood today, I am taking math at TCC summer II, I got an apartment with Jose we move out Aug22. You?

him: I've been working a lot more, and spending a little more time with my uncle phil, I also go to feilder road baptist but am far from being a true protestant that believes in the new and old testament, and Andrew is still an idiot but I still love him. Oh and I stopped smoking... EVERYTHING

me: Wow, good for you. Life is crazy eh. Do you go to church with your uncle? I'm the same old me, more ambitious feeling perhaps. I want to thank you for being so smart about all this, I don't think I had the emotional balls, if you know what I mean.

Him: No I just got invited once and I liked it, I've always liked the feeling I get at church until they start pissing me off. Andrew, Matt and Steven all moved out a couple of weeks ago I decided not to move out with them, and I still take care of them. I know I shouldn't tell you this, but I miss you. And 40$? do I get the two movies that were late back?

me: lol, nope. If you would have kept em then we'd have something to work with. Although corp. already thinks I'm an asshole employee.

Him: They think that just because of $40? They can kiss your ass.

me: lol yeah. So why are you up this early?

Him: I'm taking Andrew to work, It's all part of the consequences of his bad habit

me: what's this bad habit?

Him: Well, let's just say that Andrew isn't drinking anymore.

me: Well shit, coke? worse? I'm assuming something happened to his car. sucks. Nikki got caught stealing. a $400 ticket.

*he sent this next one at the same time I replied with the above*

Him: Anyway, I'll let you get back to sleep, it was nice hearing from you.

me: you too.

*30 minutes later*

him: Blah! Stop being so weird, ashley!

me: how am I being weird?

him: I have a confession to make I could never remember which was your middle name, ann, or anne, so I rarely used it which I think worked out for you anyway because you never really liked it in the first place so nevermind.

me: you ARE being weird lol

him: you aren't. It's early I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to be somewhat weird. So chew on that... maybe spit it out and then put it back in your mouth and chew on it again.

me: lol well I'm runnin on 4 hours of sleep and I have a placement test at 12 for tcc. AND it just occured to my stomach I might be hungover :( chew on THAT

him: been drinkin huh?

me: unfortunately, my stomach is regretting it. lol

him: have you found another?
*a second later*
wait.
it's none of my business.

me: I am enjoying the summer for what it is.

him: you don't have to listen to this but my wish for you is that you know that your body is sacred and you don't let just any guy have you.

me: trust me I know these things.

him: that's why I still love you

me: what about you?

him:Just making new friends from work, Ashley to tell you the truth whenever I think about you my stomach turns because I know you aren't mine anymore. I guess I'm still not ready to talk to you yet.

me: I will always belong to myself and you can count on that.

him: yeah. Did you think I was a good boyfriend? be honest.

me: there is no such thing as a bad bf or gf. only bad relationships. it takes two. Ours was not bad at all. You learned a lot too right?

him: of course I loved it. And I believe in bad boyfriends and girlfriends

me: lol well what about the person staying with someone that doesn't make them happy. that's bad.

him: blah blah blah life is funny and crazy, Ashley, I really hope that in the very near future we become friends.

me: We will. I am really excited about life lately. Dunno what my major will be but I am loving school.

him: you are the only smart person I know.

me: haha thanks.

him: know what I wanna do? live in another state like new york, Richie a friend of mine came back from there for the summer and asked me if I wanted to go.

me: it would be a great experience. I would do it if I had the resources.

him: well the thing is he told me at first I would not need anything just a plane ticket and some clothes but I'm not sure, the cost of living is expensive there, and I would not know which books to bring.

me: lol yeah. I might go out there and work there for a summer some time and stay with my aunt. She has offered. next summer is Europe though.

him: whatcha doin there?

me: family vacation.

him: Lucky, Ashley, you will never stray too far from my heart and mind, I'll talk to you later

me: You too. Call me some time when you are ready and we will get lunch and catch up, kay?

him: sounds good.



WElllllllll. now what? haha. I don't know what to think about him missing me.
I don't want him back.
At least I don't think so.
I'll have to sit on that one for a little while.
What drastic things to hear. He quit smoking everything that he was smoking before, he goes to church now, and his brother has a drug problem, lost his car, and moved out with a couple of losers.
I think I just want to be single for the summer. Then go back to school and get my life in order. Where he'll fit in that scheme, I don't know yet.
And Ben... well, again, I just think I need to be single. I have been talking to him. Warning him. But I think I just need to stop talking to him altogether soon.
Well I am going back to bed I only got 4 hours of sleep so far.

I hate this writing style. So...
like
this

spaced

out

it's

very

hard

to

read

and

understand

everything

that

is

going




on



ashley



so


why





not
write
likethis?
allclosetogetherandwhatnot

Anyway, the conversation... atleast you two are friends, yeah? Just build from that. I dun' think you should walk back into his life though.

» Dilated on 2007-06-06 12:39:42

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