blow out the candle I will burn again tomorrow
no man on earth can stand between my loving arms
and no matter how you hurt me, I will love you till I die

I keep trying to tell myself that I'm strong. I'll get over this.
I will be able to live a life without him.

It's hard. It's a kind of hard that I have never experienced in my life. It is the ultimate test of strength.

But no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I don't need him, that it was time to say goodbye... I just can't accept it.

Maybe that part just comes in time.

But I am not crying the hard, violent tears anymore. At least that is an improvement. But there are still tears.
Tears in the quiet moments that appear throughout the day.
These tears almost hurt worse.

Instead of missing the sweet tender look in his eyes, the way we slept with our backs touching under the covers, naked. Instead of missing the stupid faces he made to cheer me up. Instead of missing the sex...

I am now missing the way he loved. I am missing the masked intensity of his passion. I am greiving for the loss of the way his mind works.

I want to run to his house and look in his eyes and say I am sorry for all of the things I've ever said to him that hurt his pride.
I want to grab his face and tell him that this love may be my first love, but I want it to be my last.
I want to hold his hands in mine and tell him that I love every flaw in his character, every blemish on his soul. Everything I complained about in petty annoyance. I want him to know I REALLY love him.

But I can't.
And that feeling creates a soreness in my throat, tightens the muscles in my tear ducts.

If he feels the same

he will come back to me.

All I can do is try to move on.

inside and out,
backwards and forwards
with my heart hanging out
I love no other way

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