It really hurt to cancel our vacation reservations. The girl on the phone asked me if I wanted to just change the date, or cancel for sure. And when I said I just needed to cancel it altogether I almost cried.

Don't tell anyone but I drove by his house on the nights he said he'd call me. And he wasn't home. I know where he was. He was probably at Paul and Donnie's house.

I've never liked them. They do crack.
They're also boring as hell. Every time I'd go over there we would just sit and watch tv and smoke pot.

Now that I think about it. All of his friends are losers.. I'm not saying they're "bad" people.. they're just losers.

Why can't he just meet some inspired, motivated people? I think that would affect him positively.

He is an ambitious person on the inside, but he has become lazy, and honestly I think it is his friends.

And as much as I want to put the blame for this on his friends... I doubt it's them alone that made him do this.

I am too much. I am too emotional. I am too crazy, and I've been hurting him without even thinking about it.

And that pressure put him from my emotions, and his friends constantly telling him that he doesn't need me. That I only do bad things for him...
I think that combined is what did it.

There's nothing I can do now but wait.
And try to change the parts of me that I've always wanted to improve, but have been too lazy to.
and wait some more.

Maybe cut off my hair.

and just wait.

and hope...

that our hearts will grow
and sometime re-unite.

Yeah well I don't know you but it sounds to me your blaming yourself for something he did. You probably love him but I doesn't seem like he feels the same way. It sounds like he would rather smoke pot and watch tv with his friends then be with you. You should just leave him and focus on you and your career, if he loves you then he will change and come back for you.
» catatonicloki on 2007-05-07 07:44:46

Congratulations.
At least you know what's going on.

Maybe you could use this time to kind of take a breather. Spend time with your friends. Make new ones. Have fun.
Learn to enjoy yourself for being you. It'll be fun. =)
» invisible on 2007-05-08 02:16:18

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