Time is no longer a continuous stable dimension to me.

It is fluid, changing, and uncontrolable. Yet, it is healthy and balanced.

As I've gotten older I've become more aware of this.

Some people I've encountered believe in fate, or destiny, or God.
Others believe in chaos, coincodence, and spontaneity.

I used to trust in God, and it wasn't enough.
I used to trust in science and logic, and it wasn't enough.

I'm not sure if I believe in the absolute certianty of either destiny or chaos...

All I know is what I have experienced, and how life cannot be recorded on a linear time line.

When I am HERE, and more importantly, around him enough... I begin to feel less like a drone, and more like a conscious human being with a soul and thoughts.

When I am THERE, and far from him I fall into this mindlessness. the people around me are either mindless or caught up in their vices, their selves, their acheivements, what they have to show...
to who?
to no one.
no one is listening to them, and they are not listening to each other... because all they can hear are themselves.
and it is sad.
and I can't say anything or help anyone...
because I do it too.

I'm not sure if being there is what I need. Or what I want.
but what I do need, and want is somewhere to start.
An outlet.
a direction.
And in that sense, I believe I am doing the right thing by being there.
Once I figure out my path
I will then decide what is nessicary and carry out my decision.

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