I Guess this could never be the same

This can never be the same.

Late February 2004 – I’m like a candid photographer. To some of the popular girls, I’m a stalker. But I was really just carrying this camera to steal snapshots of how fun it is to be in Morse High before I move to Temecula. I considered myself lucky to be breathing San Diego air. It’s been 16 years of having fun suffocating in adventures through Downtown, going to shows, and a little bit of surfing. It’s hard to believe that this was all going to change. I’ve had enough changes in my life and I swear to you each change has struck me like lightning and the shock became permanent to my mind. Whenever I would think about it I’d hurt. I’m talking about my losses. I see my dad every other weekend. My mom works everyday so the weekend was our only time to spend it. Other than that I’m stuck with Uncle Eric who is a jerk and my mom makes his wants her wants, too. The only time I was saved from being shocked all over again were spending time with my friends but now I’m moving and that makes it hard to get my own made prescription.

These Last two weeks of March will be my last days. I might as well take in as much prescription before I leave.

Our stuff is now being moved to the new house and commutes are so uncomfortable but as long as I’m still at Morse I’m okay. My Mom’s such a liar. That’s maybe why I have so much dishonesty sometimes. She said we’d finish school here first but then she turned heads, followed Uncle Eric and had our transcripts sent to Chaparral High. I better forget about this and just have much fun for now.

In English class I sat in the cool table. It was me, Jane Souvannaseng, Mike Odom, Marygrace NEr, Aimeely, and Andrew. I was really close to Jane and we always talked about anything. My last few weeks had been conversations of this girl named Krystle. Krystle was this hardcore-punk girl. She only wore dark colors and I was drooling over her short hair and dark make-up. She didn’t know me but I knew her name. The hero saves me: “OH! Ronikko! My sister knows Krystle! She can help you meet her!” There I am, looking like a geek with my camera but getting excited because after weeks of procrastinating to go talk to her and met her I can finally get my chance.

Lunch started at 11:35 and there’s nothing better than having lunch and laughing with your friends on a long, boring day. I met Jane at the quad with my idiotic camera and there I met a girl with long hair, pink Macbeths, a clash shirt, and nice tight blue jeans. CUTE, I thought. “Nikko meet Jilana my sister” She shakes my hand with a smile but she’s quiet. This girl with the pink Macbeths grabs Krystle from the crowd I knew she hung out with a lot. I’m such a freak. “Krystle this is Nikko.” The cute girl in macbeths was kind of shy. NO, she’s really shy. Jane takes my camera and snap! Hearing that sound made me realize I accomplished my goal of meeting my crush and stealing a picture with her. After school I usually have my thrifting adventures with Artemus and Nyle at Hillcrest. By 8 p.m. I’m in Temecula.

It’s funny how the computer is hooked up while everything is everywhere. I want to finish uploading these pictures. As I wait for each picture to load in the folder I run into Jane’s xanga. I’m a good friend and I always comment to every xanga I know. I heart Jane. Haha silly but simple. POST. I happen to find the link to Jilana’s xanga and that means I’m close to finding Krystle’s xanga. It’s like trying to find buried treasure. Jilana’s xanga is interesting and I post HI HI. Then there is my treasure. I read entries and I realize that I’ll never be the right reward for Krystile. She wouldn’t even fight to get this prize because it’s not what she wants. Besides she has a boyfriend with a green Mohawk. CRUSHED for sure. The files are saved. But I feel like I’m losing.

I sleep early but before I sleep I feel those shocks again. My parents including Uncle Eric really pressure me down. My dad always wants me to be on top of it all and I hate it. I mean he’s coo but that’s if he’s getting what he wants. This new Eric-mom alliance is torturing me. I’m losing and I’m failing. Moving to Temecula was like going through a gateof a strange world and it’ll take long to get used to. I passed through this gate finding myself changing. My attitude is more intense and school becomes a big heavy weight on my shoulders. I’m gonna miss San Diego. I’m gonna miss my friends. Shocks, lightnings, this will never end. This is too hard. I’m sorry but I have to go down.

”You can’t respect yourself if you’re letting someone beat you up inside-out” Why didn’t anyone else tell me this sooner?”

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.