is it better to love or be loved? is it inevitable that you take on one of those roles in a relationship more than the other? are certain types of people prone to each role? which am i? is it ok?

i think i'm more of a "to love" person, which unfortunately means i get the short end of the stick. although, if you spend all your time being loved, maybe you could do better? i'd rather be hopelessly infatuated with someone who's sort of into me than to have a retarded person i don't respect hanging on my every word. so maybe it's fortunate that i always find myself in the former situation rather than the latter.

people don't change.

is that true? more so than we want to believe or admit to ourselves. i've spent countless years trying to change people -- or rather, sitting idly by HOPING they'd change and LOVE ME -- only to realize it was all a waste. does that mean i'll never change, that the things i think are wrong with me are hopelessly fixed? and can we live that way? even if nothing ever changes about us, is it better to indulge the fantasy that we can change so that we continue to try? is there value in trying apart from succeeding? and is there joy in those minutes you spend with someone, hoping that they'll learn to love you, those minutes before you realize they never will.

Currently Reading
Bridge of Sighs
By Richard Russo
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Is this how you think i think? you don't know me at all. how dare you. even with everything you know you don't know me at all. sort of into me? thanks for nothing.

i can't believe you would watch me in a bar rather than be the one to talk to me. why else would i go by myself? who do you think you are? this isn't a game to me and you are cruel to mock me like this.

you are the one letting me down. i don't know you at all either. but at least i ask questions because i am interested in finding out. i don't doubt myself. that was until i met you. but i am tired of living in the shadows of your projections. and i can change that. you can't get lost time back. and at least i have the courage to love. it's just my dumb luck i found someone who is incapable of reciprocating.
and who are you? just some asshole on the internet who writes about other people because he is too afraid to live his own life.

if you had ever actually known love, you would know that the only great joy in life comes from those moments spent with those you love. go find out for yourself so you can get a life of your own. stop trying fantasize your way into mine. toying with someone who is heartbroken is cruel. and maybe i could have let go of him if you weren't pretending to be him for the past three years. i can change because all i have to do to let you go is turn off my computer.

i was here.
» renaye on 2007-11-02 04:35:04

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