if i am so happy in this relationship, why am i not singing? has the songbird in me left for good? have my sinuses been acting up too much to sing?

or does my heart not feel light enough to sing? is this love that i am feeling or something else? am i settling?

or am i sabotaging my own happiness because he isn't you? then again, who are you? and what were you to me? am i too scarred from you cruelty to let him into my heart? or is my heart just being careful because of the pain you caused me?

can this man make me happy? are we just working out the beginning kinks? or am i just trying to make it work?

i think a part of it is that we are still new to each other. but part of it is that damn ex situation. he should know how tender of a subject it is. and he needs to cut the umbilical chord between them. he needs to snap out of her spell. she needs to recognize that there is a new pair of ovaries that he belongs to. i need to tighten the leash before he feels like wandering back over to her.

but if he is willing to ignore my simple request to down load pictures of us onto his myspace in order to avoid a confrontation with her, how valuable to him can i be?

i don't want to have to fight for his attention. but i will if it means i will get it. so, i guess i need to ask myself if he is worth fighting for.

i am conflicted about this one. i do not feel the spark i have with past lovers. usually, i am head over heels initially and then pull away over time as they hurt me. but with this one it is the opposite. my heart is resilient to let him in. am i just not over you? or is my heart telling him to let go. i have never had this conflict before. usually i can trust myself to know what is right. but this time i don't know what is right.
am i getting in my own way? or is his ex doing that for me? am i myself only putting half of me in? how can i expect 100% from him if i am not contributing 100%?

is there a way to make myself contribute 100%? my heart says not until this ex business is resolved. it will not sacrifice any more of it until it knows that he will not scar me.

I think the avoiding confrontation with her is kinda understandable but if its going to cause confrontation with you then it should be obvious which to choose.
» lyndeep on 2007-06-02 12:13:22

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