i wish he would say something to me. anything at all. i just want to hear him say that i am not in this alone and that i can trust him.

i don't get why he won't talk to me. what is there to be afraid of? i am not his enemy.
i mean, why does he want to keep pretending? doesn't he want me to be by his side at the movies?

why won't he let me in? how am i supposed to know what he wants when he won't say anything. i mean, how can i believe that i can trust him when he didn't even respond to the facebook email about last weekend? what could be the harm in letting me know that he was busy? but not saying anything is just rude. and it makes me feel like he isn't serious about me at all.

does he even want to be around me? then why isn't he here? if he is trying not to like me, then how can that make me feel good?

i want to be his. but i don't think he wants to be mine. that is not what i need.

i mean really what possible reason could he have for staying away this long? he let me believe that he was chris for two years, so what makes me think that he would tell me the truth? it's not like his talking to me would be a breach of national security, so there is no reason. he is just scared. and unfortunately, there is nothing i can do about that. he won't let me in to help him. he won't let me near him.

but all i know about him is that he doesn't say much. but not saying anything is leaving us doomed. i don't think he sees my walls going up. i have waited for so long and i have played all of his stupid games. i have broken his code and he still won't even speak to me. that isn't love, it's a practical joke. maybe if i walk away he will realize that i don't want to play anymore. and all he is doing by saying nothing is making it worse. because it is giving me a reason to walk away.

if he does love me then i should be the one person he can say anything to. but he says nothing. i have no idea why he is doing all of this, i have no idea if it will ever stop. he is lost in his game and until he realizes that our love isn't a game, that this is our life, i can't do anything.

he is the reason i don't sing. not knowing is what makes me sad because i feel like he doesn't care and is just laughing at me (like he did for the first year.)

i just wish he could see that when i leave, i don't look back. and the saddest part is that i have no idea if that would even make a difference.

my parents know something is up because when i am dating some one, you can't get me to stop smiling. but they can see the sadness on my face and the reason is because i have nothing to sing about since he is not beside me.

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