okay, so what happens if i lose my job in 2 days? why can't i bring myself to care?

no i don't want to lose my job. but even going back to Starbucks could be better than this. i mean, i don't get paid anything, i work my ass off and am being told i am incompetent, and i don't feel like anything will change.

prince charming is not going to show up out of thin air and save me from the tragedy that has become my life.

it is clear that i am on my own for this because it's my life. there is no solution. only another stepping stone. but maybe it's just time to swim. but in any case, i can only look to myself.
even if he is out there and is waiting to come and get me to start our life together, i can't rely on him to pick me up. or more, that i shouldn't have to.

because let's face it, it would be a jerk thing of me to ask him to allow me to be dependent on him. he has his own life he needs to handle and asking him to support me (ps, at this stage since we are not dating as of yet) would be WAY over the boundaries.
to be honest,i am not even comfortable with the idea. not only of not working but being dependent on any one else. i mean, how can i buy his birthday present with his money? that just seems so wrong to me. and lame.

and the fact that all of my realities might come to pass within the next two days isn't helping.

why can't i bring myself to care about losing my job? i worked so hard to get here and now i might have to start over again. this was my dream and slowly it is being taken away from me.

do i dare to dream again? Do i dare believe that things will work out? Do i dare to hope that he will ask me on a date someday? even when he does, the time i would ever be dependent on him is far off and it is foolish of me the think otherwise.

i am on my own and fine with it because i want him to know that i don't want his money. i just want him. the good thing is that he offers a world i know nothing about, so at least i won't know what i am missing while scrubbing floors somewhere and living check to check until he finds me.

and ps, more importantly, what am i going to do if they don't fire me?

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.