how am i supposed to feel about you? i don't want to have to lie to you or me. i don't want to love you anymore because i am tired being the only one making the jump. you said we were going to stop pretending and i have. but you are comfortable in this fantasy you have made for yourself. how am i supposed to be satisfied when you won't get to know the real me? can't we just try again? maybe we should just be friends. maybe you won't be so afraid of me or reality then. you never leave my mind and i would give anything for your favor. but you must think i am not good enough for you since you insist on maintaining your distance from me. i would love you if you let me, but you don't. i do not deserve this. i am not your hobby to watch over. i have waited long enough and i do not think you are coming back to me. so fine i will lie to you. i do not love you anymore because i am tired of you not loving me back. everything you have told me has been a lie, so how could i love you when i don't even know who you are? but i do. i saw through your lies and still i am not good enough to pick up the phone and call to let me know where your heart stands. anything is better than not knowing. you are worth waiting for, but i need to know if i am waiting in vain. do me a favor, if you insist on denying me your affection, tell me to my face. make the pain real and make me stop lying to myself.

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