Feeling really frustrated with myself after the Christmas season. WOOhoo (not!). I know I am just a lost, screwed up, clueless, selfish, inconsiderate person. My self-esteem has also hit a low again... just because I am questioning my actions towards others. You know how you can be the most friendliest and generous person in the whole world and other ppl take that as poison. Lemme explain... when I do something nice for someone they think I am leading them on. But I DON'T intend to...I just want to treat them with the kindness they have given me. If I am leading them on then I admit I am inconsiderate...and that I have hurt their feelings. But it is how they interpret my actions - which isn't my problem...

Lost? Screwed up and clueless? Yes I am...at this point I honestly ask myself - What do you want from Life? And got asked that same question from Jason the other night. My answer was broad - involving happiness for my loved ones, peace and career. I guess that is not what he meant. More like what do u WOMEN want? Hahahaha...I didn't feel the need to justify myself to him or anyone for that matter. He pretty much said he is sick of being patient, and that is cool cuz if he won't even accept being friends then let's leave it. He always wanted me to share more with him so that we would overstep the 'friendship' barrier....

Which comes to selfishness...a lot of ppl think I don't share my feelings. But I do in hidden forms. Not like I am gonna come out and pour all my probs on you. Cuz I tend to be the person who is there to lean on. Okay be frustrated with me cuz I won't be frustrated with u...I am a person who is very patient and low tempered. If u are looking for a fight and a burst of emotions don't come to me. Okay so I am selfish...sue me!

Then adds to my low self-esteem...thank u very much for telling me I'm indicisive, inhibited, cold! But I am so NOT! But it is true when ppl say something, I can't help but take it to heart. I show a face of strength and but can feel quite deep. I can 'YUN' (tolerate) only so much.

Pls accept me for who I am...I am only human. I make mistakes...forgive me for being me. Love is a very touchy topic and a girl just can't be rushed into these things kay...
that's all I am a girl...don't break me up...

*Sorry for the heavy duty entry...didn't mean to ruin everyone's festive season. Just had to vent somewhere...don't worry about me I'll be back in the happy mood soon. :) Thought of putting it in as a private entry but Fuck it

* Note new Evanescence lyrics...this song is so beautiful. N look at my cute baby polarbear ^_^ Check out the polarbear international - in links section...

It happens
Ish Happens.
» TeeJay817tx on 2003-12-26 06:25:00

AWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
my dear.... wats wrong??? we gotta talk! ur not all those things.. ur caring and u share ur feelings... theres nth wrong with u ... u are u .. if they dont like it tell them to FUck it... dont get all upset about nth... they are probably just jealous of u dear.. cos ur so special... everyone is special in their own ways... and so are u ... in many ways in fact... the way u make me smile n laugh all the time and more and more dont wanna tell everyone everything on here.. hehe.. but ur definitely NOT selfish swtie.. No no and NO u dont have to YUN some ppl ... jsut let them go... not everyone in this world will be ur friends.. u and I and everyone else.. will have so much friends and enemies... there is no such a thing as a world of friends.. just not possible .. never get rushed into anything... because u might regret it .. i hope u feel better .. and i'll cya soon... listen to my new song.. jsut for u dear.. 'just wanna be close'
» JulAngel on 2003-12-27 05:36:42

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