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Monday. 2.17.14 10:12 am

"The dreams of better places decimate my view.
The weight of your embraces remind the world of you.
Outside the world's opposing, attempting to decree.
With allies decomposing the future that could be.

I have let the dream escape,
A sunken mass of things erased,
A list of names to leave behind,
A wound to heal that I'll create.

The message failed to translate,
The answers failing to convey,
The fiery truth and reason why the world I live in ends this way."

I've been finding a lot of excellent music, recently.

One of my friends promised to exchance gifts with me this Christmas. I had to go home, though, so I had my gift (Bastille's album) sent to her home. I expected to get mine (Twenty One Pilot's self-titled album) either at home or when I got back to Georgia. A few weeks after the break ended, I called her to ask about it. I feel like that's incredibly rude, but she DID say she'd ordered it and I thought it would just be awkward if I just didn't mention that I hadn't seen it, especially if she HAD mailed it to my home or something.

On the phone, she said she had it with her and would bring it to the next ministry get-together. When I saw her on Tuesday, she approached me with her head down, handed me a small package and a card, and ran away.

The package was a box of skittles, and the card explained that she had never ordered the CD at all. She'd been prideful and ashamed (an interesting combination, and a hard one to shake off) and had kept lying when I asked her about it.


It's really worrisome, when someone you trust does something like that, especially when our friendship has been historically centered on God. I definitely felt let-down, but...what must she be going through to do something like that? I know she deals with depression, and it's been hitting her pretty hard lately, but that's an especially weird frame of mind. Especially for her.

I made sure she knew that we're still pals. She didn't want to hear it, but that's OK. :P That was about a month ago. On Friday, we talked a bit, and I told her I was feeling pretty convicted about some stuff from the "sermon" we'd just heard, and that I'm seeing divergence between my heart and the heart that I want. (This is an extreme over-simplification of what I actually told her.) I also told her that I'm sick and busy, which isn't very fun.

At church yesterday, she surprised me with another card and a little bottle of orange juice. The card was just thanking me for being her friend, encouraging me to get my junk figured out, and a "get well soon" sentiment.

You see, this is what I miss out when I don't talk to people that I care about. Both of us struggle and nobody gets nice cards.

A support system is so extremely important. Do you know her well enough to ask why she felt like she couldn't tell you? I'm sure it made her feel terrible to have to come clean, but I think whatever made her lie in the first place is worse.

Anyway, I liked this entry, but I don't know that I can explain to you exactly why.
» Unicornasaurus on 2014-02-17 03:59:44

Well, she seems like a perfectionist with an insane work ethic. So, a little neurotic, maybe, but still quite accomplished, for sure!
» randomjunk on 2014-02-25 12:10:25

I equate arguing with debating, in this situation, because that's what he meant. And it IS an important ability! It's very important to me as an activist that I'm able to hold my own when confronted on my stance on a cause. It's also very important because it promotes neurological flexibility.
» Unicornasaurus on 2014-03-18 11:20:15

That first step of just talking is so simple, yet most people get awkward about it. But after somebody says something, it's so much *better*.

I'm really bad about making that first step. :|
» invisible on 2014-03-18 11:26:09

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