My idea of love involves persistence. It's not some sappy, abstract...piece of melodrama that waxes and wanes. Sure, that particular mixture of admiration and other fun stuff is nice, and useful, but it shouldn't be the basis of, say, a marriage. It's not enough. Just look at the ceremony: you're telling this person you're going to stick with them literally until one of you dies. Rain or shine, rich or poor, good or bad. It's not there for show. The very core of love is sacrificing one's self for somebody else. Obviously in a mutual loving relationship you're going to have both people sacrificing for each other, so it seems hidden. But in one person's moment of weakness, their spouse is expected to support them. The more it hurts them, the more love they are showing.

Of course, this only works when both people go into the agreement with this mindset. If you have one true lover and one fickle person, what happens? Is the lover doomed to lavish at their own expense on somebody who doesn't understand or doesn't care? I don't know. At that point, I might not blame them for wanting a divorce, or accepting them when their spouse gets bored or whatever.

Choice. How much of all this love stuff is based on choice? It's hard to say. Certainly, some people are better suited with certain other people, but giving yourself entirely for somebody else should be a choice. When it comes down to it, you just pick a person. Obviously it would help if there was "chemistry". But what's really important is the choice to love each other. I wonder if any two people could get married and stay happy together, no matter how ill suited, as long as they both choose to love each other unconditionally. I want to think they could, but I really can't say either way at this point.

Does the same apply to dating? Even more confusing, because so many different people define "dating" so many different ways and do it for so many different reasons. I'm not even going to get into it. But as far as loving each other goes, I believe that it applies in any situation where love is called for, and in fact, in many where it isn't. Christians are supposed to love their fellow man, to serve first and foremost. It's not just some flowery speech, it's what's literally expected of us. If half the professing Christians in America acted like that and not...well, not sitting on their hands, then I bet A) there'd be MORE Christians because we're actually doing our jobs, and B) it would just be a generally happier place.

Wow tangent.

Anyway, I'm in a confusing position at the moment and these are my thoughts on loving relationships and specifically on why we get into relationships and stick with them as opposed to moving on to "someone better."

Good night.

First of all...I refuse to believe that love is a choice. As much as you may want to love someone, it doesn't work like that. If you can turn it on just like that, it isn't love. But maybe that isn't what you mean.
Either way, I think no matter how hard we fight them, we have innate feelings that dictate how we view people. I find that, as hard as I do fight to accept some people, some part of me will always reject those parts of them.
Chemistry should not have quotes around it. The chemistry in your body is what makes love real in the first place. Pheromones (you know about pheromones) can create or destroy attraction, and attraction is one mighty catalyst for a relationship. Plus, feelings of love are derived from certain neurons firing because of this person. I find it hard to believe that you, I, or anyone else could force these neurons to fire. Certain parts of the brain light up like Christmas trees--they've done MRI tests--when exposed to entities of affection.
It should be a choice, but I've found that, in the end, it's entirely choiceless. Sure, you choose to continue to be with someone. But the rest, none of us can help.
As a Christian, I'd assume the job is to just try as hard as possible. The point is to keep trying, not necessarily to succeed. Humanity is limiting. Chemicals are limiting.

But, of course, people still have to put in effort. We all hate abandonment, or nonchalance. My point is not that love is effortless, but rather that it isn't your choice in the first place.

The end.
» Unicornasaurus on 2009-12-10 05:23:06

Dude. Watch the tone. I'm simply commenting back. I'm not a mind reader, I can't tell what you mean.
» Unicornasaurus on 2009-12-10 10:01:57

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» Diego (121.22.15.174) on 2010-09-03 09:56:24

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