mentalmidget's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

yay! life is so fucking great only it really is not...dunno what i am gonna do now. got home from school and my mom and older brother automatically started in on me. he told me to do laundry but i had to wait for my little brother to get his stuff out of the way. so i sat down in a chair in the kitchen. my older brother got all pissy that i wasn't doing it. he came up and knocked me out of the chair, slammed me against the stove, and fucked my wrist up. my mom came out of her bedroom. she went into the kitchen to see what was going on. she made my older brother get away from me and then she started in. she said that i deserve it and it is my fault that he hurts me...then i tried to explain what happened and she said if i didn't stop, she was gonna slap me or something...she was threatening to make me go move in with my dad or some stupid hospital place so i couldn't see my friends...she wants to take everything from me...she is threatening to take away the net and make it to where i cannot use the phone...i hate her so fucking much!!! she kept yelling and screaming at me. she doesn't give a fuck about what my older brother does. my knee is still sorta messed up from the jar he threw at me. he is 21, has no job, lives with his mom, and has never had a girlfriend...i hate him too...he is so abusive...he reminds me of my father...the sad thing is, that he doesn't have the same father as me...my mom really doesn't care if he hurts me...but when she found out that he hurt my 10 yr old little sister, she yelled at him...i really dunno what to do about all of this stuff...there really are no easy solutions... wrote this poem today I shut my eyes As pain consumes my soul I feel so far away Darkness is swallowing me whole My heart, so fragile Slips from its place As torrents of tears Streak down my face I stand here and do nothing As I slowly die I am not fighting back I won't even try The smiels and laughter Were all always fake Lies and masks Are all that you can make I gave you my trust And you used it to cause me pain I can no longer be around you It is driving me insane Mother, I don't know What I did to cause you to hate But I guess having no one Has always been my fate it sucks...but yeah...was really upset when i wrote it and i still am...dunno what i am gonna do...