meggyo's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

So I wanted to write an insightful entry... but I am not sure who reads this thing and who doesn't anymore.. so no hard feelings. I guess the only thing that comes to mind is something I have observed b/w my mom and me over the past few years... I was adopted,... when i was 3 months old. So there is always the debate b/w enviornment/heredity... I have to say that enviornment all the way! maybe my case is extreme, and maybe my mom and I are just such perfect soul matches that this wis why i see most of me in her.... or most of her in me. We are so alike in way too many ways. I am so porud of her and I could only hope to be just as strong as her when I am out on my own, the fact is, I am sure that I will be, if not even stronger bc that is who I have become. I am focused, determined, independent and ambitious, caring, patient and giving.... just liek my mother. She commented the other day at how all the men in her lfie have suffered from chronic depression... her dad, my brother, my father... and I commented back at how most of my friends, the closest in my life have suffered from depression, eating disorders... and a lot of other stuff. I always wonder why I attract these type of people, maybe it is an instinctive force from me to be their caretaker. My mom warned me not to do that tho... to get so involved that it brings me down, bc u can't change someone, or do it for them, or help them... they need to do it themselves. I have had to discover this on my own this past year especially, and at the same time, so has my mother... with the whole fiasco with my brother 5 years ago, my parents have had to learn to seperate themselves, to realize that they can't do anything else to save my brother, that he will keep making the same mistakes over and over, until HE learns. Since I was in 7th grade and this whole thing started, I realized before my parents would admit to themselves, what was going on.... I told them over and over that they couldn't do anything else, not to get down from it, that nick had to hit hard bottom on his own. My mother and I are also alike in that we have dreams, yet now, I can reach them, unlike my mother who put her dreams off to get married... diff time period. my hair dresser said that when she is cutting my mom and my hair, if she closes her eyes, and just listens to us talking, we are the same person. My mom and I are both "old souls", knowledgable, mature, experienced... We know what we want out of life, we see things that people do not even see of themselves... like Ephram in Everwood, last week told the babysitter all that she felt... sometimes I feel like I can do that with certain people... which is why I guess everyone comes to me for advise, bc I see things and am honest enough about them, that I tell them what I "see"... I am grateful for this gift, although at times it makes me worry a lot, or feel hopeless, or frusterated with the ignorance of some people. My parents keep telling me how proud they are of stuff i do for others, when really, I can't understand why people WOULDN'T do those things for others. I am thinking about joining the Peace Corps too when I get out of college.... I dunno. I keep hearing about all these people who want to, and I can't help but think, that is what I want to do.