The "First"

After being the first girlfriend of two guys, I feel compelled to put forth this friendly advice: Girls, try not to be a guy's first girlfriend, or even one of the earlier ones (depending on the guy's progress of maturity). As much as I had the times of my life and learned some of the most valuable lessons from these two great guys, it just really bites to be that first girlfriend who teaches the boy everything from how to treat a girl to offering Women's Studies 101: Venusian I.

Of course, I had to learn some hard lessons about men as well. I learned that, sometimes, when guys have commitment problems, it's 'really them, not me'. Your relationship can be going great, you might still be having great chemistry but when that Odysseus Complex kicks in, simply send him off and wish him well.

The Odysseus Complex--Men in general have the need to have lots of experience before commiting. They strongly believe they'll only be ready to commit after they sail the globe, sleep with seductive island women, enjoy great excesses and suffer the consequences, and have it all recorded by a blind Greek guy. Otherwise, they think they're missing out on something or someone else just around the next relationship bend.

The funny thing is, women are commitment-phobic as well (like moi and many of my girlfriends, see pictures on left ) but we just don't panic. The other day, Anita and I were talking about how presumptuous commitment-phobic guys can be when they suddenly get this panic attack. Gasping for air, they start to envision this warped sense of reality where us girls are frantically ordering bridal gowns and planning baby showers. Symptom? When you suddenly hear something like this:

Odysseus: "I was thinking the other day, you may be 'the one' but I'll never know without seeing what's out there".

What's exactly going through our heads upon hearing abrupt shit like that? Stage I: HUH?!?!?!?!?! Stage II: Omg, you think I'm ready to marry you? Don't flatter yourself, jackass. Didn't you see those roses that (insert male suitor name) got me the other day? Yada yada yada the female pride defense monologue. Unfortunately, Stages I and II hit us with such great bewilderment that we don't end up saying what we feel in time: "What are you talking about?!?!? Honey, I may be your 'one' and our relationship may be going great but as of now, to ME, you are still just another one" (courtesy of Anita)

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Men are like tight pickle jars. Don't be that first idiot who wrestles that air tight lid to the ground. When it won't budge, it won't budge. At this age (early 20s), simply withdraw yourself from 'the market' and watch other girls pass pickle jars around (enjoy the drama). Meanwhile, focus on your goals and watch yourself grow into that confident, sexy, and capable woman. When the moment is right, step in and be the one who grabs a pickle jar and, with a perfect grip, opens it with a light twist. And if the pickles inside don't look right, toss it and move on. Plenty of other jars have been preserved just for you.

There's no need to be so needlessly loyal, Penelope. You also have a great journey ahead.

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