Saturday. 4.16.05 9:07 am
Perhaps I know what I should do... but how does one find the strength or assurance do it? Amanda, you are truely my strength when I have none, and I don't have any clue as to how I am going to survive next year without you.
How many ways can Meghan fuck up? Well, let me count the ways... I dissappoint my closest friends here, I make dangerous, bad decisions that I know I shouldn't have made while I was making them, I am being compulsive and dishonest, I am theee biggest hypocrit of the whole freakin world, I do not deserve anyone right now, where the HELL did my morales go?, I am turning into the person I never wanted to be, I am not listening to my intution because it is too scary, my actions are speaking louder than words, I am not being strong enough to do the right thing... I am hurting people, including myself.
Ever wake up and feel like if you could only go back to sleep and wake up without ever having done what you did or let anything happen to you? or if you could scrub the dirtiness from your skin that you think is on the outside but is really inside you could atone for your sins? I tried, it doesn't work.
I don't want to throw away the good, I just want to know if there is better... this is what happens when u never got something your entire life and then you get it in the wrong form at the wrong time... u don't know what to do with it.
Lesson of the year: don't judge others' actions, because soon enough you will be doing the same damn thing. This is why forgiveness is important. I finally forgive you.
It's the friends who in the times when u can't just ask anyone, can't just go to anyone, can't just spill out ur heart because u have no idea what it is feeling... those are the friends who helped me today.
hun. we talked after this entry....but... i guess i've said it and i'll say it again.
i love you.
...you know what i mean. =) on the same page right? *xoxo* miss you tons.
better get back to mike...hes downstairs alone with his GIRLFRIEND christine. oh man. haha yeah i jusssst found out today. quite the cool happening. *muah* ttyl.
truly yours,
keith
» PureRidiculous on 2005-04-16 07:18:39
If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.