meggyo's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

First of all... I am EXUDING WITH HAPPINESS inspite of wearing a thong (which can i say is theeee most uncomfortable thing ever). Tonight was absolutely FABULOUS!

I am almost crying from excitement, exuberance, happiness, appreciateiveness, anticipation, and a lil sadness.
First of all: I miss dancing and I was reminded of that this past week when all the women who saw me in Vagina Monologues came up to me and after commenting on how wonderful I/we all were, said, "I just love watching u move, ur so graceful". WOW, complete and utterly painful flashback to my many years devoted to dancing. I realized that THAT was what it was ALL about, that making ppl feel that way was what kept me going and when I stopped I stopped bc I didn't feel like I was making anyone feel that way anymore. fuck.
Second: I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the Women's Center/mentoring dinner tonight courtesy of my favorite and most admired professor CIndy LaCom. It was... beyond words inspirational. I was sitting there talking amongst women and students who were all tied together by the simple fact that we have ambitions and are living within the same society. I found myself proud to be a woman, excited, ambitious, and just whole heartedly devoted to making my life a fraction of what theirs have been. Surrounding urself by a bunch of older women can have an impact on u, just to hear their stories, see what they have learned, suffered, overcome... that brings me to my third point.
Third: Cindy tells TONS of stories, and unlike some ppl who I know, she tells all of her stories ABOUT HER. I was telling my dad this and he said, that that is what u have to do, tell ur stories to others so that they can inspire, and eventually u will be sharing ur stories with other just like Cindy is.
Forth: The key note speaker tonight was a female vetinarian who was here to talk to us about being a woman in the sciences. One interesting point she made that made me question my previous thoughts was that, yes women are given lower wages becuase primarily, we accept them. We accept them because we want to balance our careers with family, we are willing to sacrifice maybe whwat we deserve to that of what we want. Also, there ARE limiations for a woman working, like by raising a family she CAN'T work as many hours as a man, or when pregnant can't be around xrays, heavy machinary etc so the dependability is lower.
Fifth: I felt such a connection tonight, to myself, to the other women around me and especially to this college campus. Ever recpient of an award tonight mentioned how there were many people in their lives were from this campus who encouraged them to fulfill their dreams, and supported them. That is because of other ppl's belief that they have accomplished what they have. It just goes to show how any act can create an endless ripple in events. Just my being here still amazes me beyong belief.
Sixth: I called my dad the minute I got back bc I wanted to share all of this with him. I knew that he would understand and in a way I wanted to thank him. If I ever get to make some honorary speech about my successes he will be top of the list. He told me today again that " I have special gifts at the age of 19 that he is just gaining at 54." wow, I mean that means a lot and that in itself made me want to cry bc I am so gosh darn excited to get on with my life, to... I can't even describe it! I doubt many ppl feel that way, but I hope someday u all do.
Seventh: I was telling my dad bout the Notebook, and how one part that caught my attention was when Noah says, "Picture urself 30, 40 years down the road in life and if it is with him then go..." and how that hit home for me because sometimes I find that u HAVE TO look at the big pciture of things when dealing with life stuff. Sometimes it is easier to handle things day by day but I am finding that when it comes down to the basic, big stuff like love and life goals, it is all about the "down the road, what do I, want." Another line that caught my attention was when the older Noah said, "but that is my sweetheart in there, I can't leave her, I AM home." and my dad said just as I knew he would... "that is how i feel about ur mother u know." TO go off of that, the other nite when talking to keith I said how I never talked to my mother about WHY she stayed with my dad over all the years... I know they seem like they are the perfect couple, and to me they are, but I also know that it wasn't always like that. Not in the least, it wasnt until the past few years when my dad's "true" self was able to come out, when he didn't have hypoglycemic flair ups and get really agressive. I doubt I will share some of those stories with anyone, and that is ok bc it is in my past and I admire the man I know NOW. I see what he has become and I admire how my mom, whether she did it bc she felt she had to, she did it for just the kids or bc that is how she defined love and her vows, she stuck with him for 33 years.

I am just beaming, if u couldn't tell already and I know that something will piss me off soon and I will get really low bc that is what happens, so I just wanted to jot down my thoughts/notes before I lose this feeling. In addition to all of this, I had 3 very distinct dreams last nite and this morning. I rarely remember dreams, and to be this struck by THREE kinda scares me. The themes were: sex, floods, war, death/sickness, and friendship. After relating these dreams to Amanda, my lil dream interpreter, I have to stop and think.... hmm... and maybe the strong emotions I got out of after having these dreams MAY change my actions in life.