Haha. WOW. I start browsing my old AOL favorite places and I find the darnest thing. Okay, maybe I'm being a hypocrite by posting this in my journal. But what the hell, I'm done this time.

You know? Kids are funny. Particularly boys who are still teenagers and attempt to make their beliefs a Holy Bible as if they've learned all there is to learn when they've only experienced the typical spoiled child life. It's not intelligence, it's called experience, which I may not have to the fullest just like any other person on this planet nor do I hold over anyone's head, but I have more than a lot of people my age that are in my life or once was.

Looks like someone needs to grow a backbone. I mean, a self-proclaimed thug can't even at least stand up to a female? You've done a lot of complaining to your friends about girls, but not saying anything to the girls about it and if so, no more than hinting. Ever think of just being straightforward?

It's my theory and it does not make me stupid because it clashes with your I-Can-Want-Others-And-Still-Be-In-Love-With-The-Main-One theory. Maybe your definition of being in love is different from mine. When I say I'm in love with someone, I want them and no one else; I am devoted whole-heartedly and am not wish-washy. Just because one doesn't act on his desires, his seemingly loyal behavior contradicts how he really feels, which equals lying in my opinion. This does not make me unintelligent, especially any less than you.

If you feel that I'm poking jabs at you, that's your problem. What the hell I wrote was not written for you, although I can understand why you would take offense. I am most definitely NOT on your nuts, sorry. Get over yourself. Trust me, most of the attention you claim to get (like the girls you say are drooling over and want you oh-so-badly even if they only look at you for half a second or just flash a friendly smile), is part of your imagination. This case being one of them.

Refer to me as a bitch or try to insult my intelligence again with your twisted, loop-holed, long-winded morals that you try to make seem idealistic to idiots by using complex words and I will have you crushed.

I mean that in the nicest way.

---

I thought I got off at 8pm tonight. v.v I had to stay until closing which was only two extra hours, but I really just wanted to go home. These weekdays are going to go by so slow, I swear.

I can't complain because James has it much worse. He is still at work. I can't believe it. He has been working nearly thirteen hours so he can get the weekend off to see me. I feel kind of bad for him. We probably won't be able to talk much tonight because of that. Ahh, I can't wait for him to get here. I gots some stuff for him, even if Mom ruined part of it.

Since I work the night shift tomorrow, I have a lot of things I need to do during the day. Most of those things are making appointments. Not too complicated, I think. I have a feeling that I'm going to wake up early tomorrow. I can get the rest of my things unpacked, clean my rooms, and play with Pepper.

Meredith posted an advertisement in my Myspace for the Covet the Knife show on Sunday, so I asked James to go with me to that. It'd be fun. Gotta ask her if cameras are allowed. I don't know any of the five or six local bands that are playing, but my guess is that they're metal. Meredith thinks it'd be cool to meet. I've actually met her before at a radio concert through Twyla and have said hi to her and stuff before, but she seems really cool to have as a friend. To be honest, though. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the people in my life now. x.x

<3 James and Anna, though <3 My lovely whores. :D

Mm. I'm 170 now.

This guy said to me, "How much do you weigh? 140?"

I laughed and said, "You're so off."

"Sorry, 130?"

"God no! I'm 170."

"What?!"

I couldn't tell if he was just trying to be funny. By my birthday, I want to be 130. James and I are supposed to be losing weight for each other. At this point of my life, I am loving food more than ever! *eats slice of pizza* I'm going to join the 24 hour gym at the mall. Really. So I can be all sexai again. This isn't something I'm going to obsess over. There are a lot of things that I keep saying I'm going to do, but just keep talking about it instead of just doing it.

I do need to get the school shit straight, though. That desperately needs to be done. Time is running out and I want to register as soon as possible so I can get the classes I want/need. I already know what I want: English 102, Math 100B, Spanish 101, some sort of PE, and... the other one I forgot but is written somewhere. GOD. I'm so behind. I should be a Junior in college. >.< But I sat down and wrote out my next three semesters. Depending on my GPA at the end of next semester and if Peggy gives me a car, I may end up just transferring to VCU. How nice would that be? Loverly.

Graphic Design it is, by the way. I'm done with trying to stray from my calling.

Wow, this is a long entry. Okay, I'll end here and call James back. And what? Eat. I said EAT damn it! :)

Here.
I didn't read the entry, but I glanced at something about Christian kids and thugs, so I'm thinking you read that thing of mine at Xanga. Anyhow, here's what I want to say; you're right, I was stupid. I felt attacked because I let those things that I believe in become my identity, instead of being my own person, you know? It's hard to relate, but you could say it's extremely prideful to feel that fidelity is what makes me me, because that's an ideal that people share, whereas I'm nothing but some guy. When I started talking to you, I was actually going to apologize before you read that stupid thing and tell you about what I had done, but I was ashamed, and it was hard for me to do so. I shouldn't have felt that you were attacking me because of things that I think, and so I'm sorry for going apeshit. Between how I was feeling that day when I wrote that thing out and how I placed too much of myself into those ideals, I was incredibly presumptuous, and what's kind of ironic is that the entire dissertation that I wrote is counteracted by the spirit that I wrote it in. I'm not thinking that you'll want to talk to me, and that's honest truth, but I figured that since I acted in a shameful, stupid manner, the least I could do is fess up to it. I can tell you, though, that the reason I didn't bring it to you is becausee I felt like, regardless of how angry I had gotten, it was still what you thought. I figured that me getting at you about it would be like Jews trying to attack Muslims in a Moorish Temple of Science; I decided to be mad, but not say shit because it wasn't my place. I put the thing in Xanga pretty thoughtlessly and just didn't think about it for a while, then I realized how it looked, and tried to say something to you. Then the shame caught up with me and halted my tongue. Don't worry about talking to me anymore, because I know you won't want to; the reason I'm apologizing is because I acted in a reproachful manner and feel like since I was in the wrong, it's only right that I fess up to it. And in case you think I'm only apologizing because you discovered me, that's not the case; I spent two or three nights unable to sleep because I was busy contemplating how I had acted, and how I could set it straight. I figure I can't do that, but I ought to come clean to the crime anyhow. I'll pay my own penance for it later.
» DarkDragonKnight on 2005-10-25 08:01:26

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