I still don't trust him. Although it helped to hear his voice because now I know he wasn't being heartless and not answering my twenty-something phone calls last night, it still doesn't cure what was most important to me - his honesty.

He seemed surprised by my angered voice; I told him I was mad because he's a liar. He was clueless. I told him to figure it out himself what he lied about. He kept saying that he didn't know. So I asked him, "Is there more than just one lie and you can't figure out which one, because I think you should know what it is?" And, really, I think there could be more than just one lie at this point.

I told him what the lie was and he said, "If that's true, how would you know about it?" which threw me off. It made me think that he wanted to know how so he could possibly build another lie around it. I ended up telling him. There was a silence. He couldn't have built a lie even if he had wanted.

We talked and he attempted to clear up some things, but instead actually defined a few of his actions as meaning what I had assumed they meant.

I don't know if the crap about his grandmother being sick is true or not, but I do know of a few things that are positively outright lies or at least truths that he was trying to cover:

- I'm not the only woman he's interested in; he wants to meet others.
- He, indeed, was not broke.
- He lied about his reasons for joining a certain site.
- He's trying to replace me.

The potential lies?:

- His whereabouts last night. Was he with his grandmother? Or out on a date or sexcapade?
- That he believes I'm easy so he can treat me however he wants because I'll still have sex with him.
- His proclaimed intentions with me and also his intentions with other women.
- Lots of things that I may not even know about...

I don't get people. I think it's quite obvious that I put up with a lot of shit from people, but still keep them in my lives, so why not just be honest? It's why I deal with Tauheed. I know he just wants to have sex and he puts that out there, but I appreciate that more than pretending.

Yeah, I'm still not feeling good. v.v

In other news: Anna, Peggy and I went to the art exhibition in downtown Petersburg last night. Peggy bought us jewelry. We ate at Ruby Tuesdays. Anna and I found a party that we're going to on the 29th down there. It'll be great.

I saw a guy at one of the exhibits about my age with a shirt that said "U R TEH SUXORZ~!~!!11oneone" I just had to compliment him on his shirt. He smiled and all I saw was silver. haha. I love artsy people.

I saw two people that I work with there too but they either didn't recognize me (WOW! Out of the six black people there) or they just didn't want to say hi. Who knows? I hate being "the black chick", I swear.

Peggy told me that if I get a 3.5 next semester from fifteen credit hours, she'll buy me a car. Pssh. So friends, you may not hear from me between January and May because I'll be busy studying. I mean, I want to do that anyway, but a car is definitely more motivation. The best part about it is now I don't have to worry about so much and I can focus on getting other things that I need like a new cell phone and computer that actually works and fixing my credit. ^.^ And the exhibition inspired me again to paint so now I can afford to be a starving artist.

Peggy wants me to go back to church, though. She doesn't know how I feel about that apparently. I'm not sure. She never really seemed to care; she just wants me to believe. I guess she thinks that's why I left home and such - lack of faith in God or whatever people want to call it. I don't plan on telling her that I'm really not keen with Christianity unless she asks me straightforwardly because my response may make her want to disown me. *sigh* That may possibly be saying good-bye to a car, but I don't like lying about what I believe.

So yeah, she says she wants me to go back to church because I need to have faith in my life. Faith in God I may not have, but I do need faith in myself and going to church is only going to put a damper on that. It's something I'm sure of. As for gratefulness, I have that and I definitely don't need church to help me out.

I guess it's back to being a kid again - it's the only thing I hate about being back home. I liked doing my own thing and taking care of my own stuff.

Yeah, Peggy supposedly transferred money from her bank account to mine for me to pay for my AOL bill until I get my next paycheck. (Thank you, Grandma. I now owe someone else money for relying on you.)

Okay, talking about other things made me feel a bit better. My trust in James' sincerity has severly plummeted, though. I don't know how to feel, honestly.

I'm going to post a conversation I had with Tyler, then I'm going to attempt to rest.

[EDIT] Holy fucking shit. Peggy put $75 in my account. Peggy is awesome.

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.