Can't do it. I hate being human.

I guess I'll just be a nice girl who finishes last. It's my fate, I suppose. At least I'll have my dignity, even if it leaves me lonely. Music. I have that, too. (I really hope my Angelfish CD comes in today.)

I went to bed around 3am last night, I think. I went without James this time. Usually, I'll wait around for him, but I felt so bad that I just wanted to lie in bed. James even came in to ask what was wrong. I need to start keeping a journal again. It sucks not having anyone to really talk to. I mean, I do, and I appreciate those couple of people, but I don't have anyone I feel completely comfortable sharing my feelings with. I'm thinking that's just my fault, though.

Ah. I won't cry about it. I should only need myself, anyway. I need to work on being independent.

I know what kind of tattoo I'm getting next. My last one was meaningless and I didn't want my fourth to be meaningless as well, so I haven't gotten one in a while. I'm going to have "Make Yourself" tattooed on my left wrist, right where I normally cut myself. ^.^ That way, I'd be very reluctant to do it anymore. Of course, I'll have more than just the phrase, but I'm not sure yet. I want to design it myself, I do know that.

Of course, I don't have the money for that sort of thing just yet. I'm not too worried about it, but I think it's a great idea for a tattoo. It'll certainly be my favorite.

Holy shit! I forgot! Somehow, some way, I remembered what yesterday was last night, in a dream. It came to me in a dream! O.o I hadn't thought about that day last year in frickin' months. Hooray for being obsessed with dates. Hah. I mean, it's nothing huge or anything, but AIM me if you'd like to know.

LucidBlurX AIM me regardless. I'm lonely.

I stopped reading halfway when I saw the " I should only need myself ".. I don't really get that mentality, where people think all they can rely on is themselves. I tried doing that for awhile, and although I felt good being independant.. I was lonely. Now.. If I need someone, I'll tel them, and I like the comfort of having someone to rely on. Like you, there are only few people I call on.. and it doesn't happen much. I can't really only think of once in my life that I've really needed someone to feel better, but I can count alot of times where I've had other people come ot me to be that crying shoulder who listens 'ya know? I like knowing that if I ever need someone to be my rock.. they'll be there. K, I'll fnish reading that entry
» Dilated on 2005-09-21 02:10:07

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