Let me tell you about chocolate. Chocolate rests at the peak of human achievement, next to blow-darts, confetti, and snow. (It's cold up there on the peak of human achievement.) But it's not cold enough for the chocolate to stay solid in your hand. It never is. This is due to the low melting point of mercury, which, we often forget, is the chief ingredient of chocolate.

Chocolate is also made of beans, which puts it in the same category as tofu, burritos, and beanbag chairs. Only one of those is inedible (tofu). Beans were previously used by the Anglo-Saxon tribes as currency, which they later converted into chocolate, then chocolate bars, then gold-wrapped chocolate coins, and then, of course, gold coins. The rest is history. But where did the chocolate go, you ask?

The something-or-other of Anglo-Saxia ordered that all chocolate be dispatched from English shores after having caused The Black Death (i.e., Death by Chocolate). It also caused Communism, the Holocaust, and the Vietnam War, during which American troops sought cocoa in the dangerous jungles of a mysterious, nameless, forgotten land. But hooah! they found it! Now, every year, millions chocolate bunnies fall victim to senseless hoarding, brutality, and, ultimately, slaughter at the ravenous, jagged teeth of the babies those very soldiers tried so hard to kill.

eh? chocolate?? i thought chocolate is good for destress?
» renaye on 2008-08-06 12:23:30

ahh, good ol' ice melon layout

Chocolate will be the death of us.
Or, it will eventually render us insane by our ever-growing lust for it, and then we will be the death of us.

Either way...
» invisible on 2008-08-06 02:10:36

I think I really would rather attempt to eat a beanbag chair than tofu, if it was clean enough.
» randomjunk on 2008-08-06 05:10:02

ah well, Poor chocolate bunnies..... to bad more of them are gonna get eaten, and they aren't gonna stop being eaten... Who knows, they may face extinction at some point, haha
» CPKviperpheonix on 2008-08-06 05:51:50

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