listening to: anywhere for you - bsb
mood: hopeful

so i think my mind and my feelings and always been working against eachother. in the past, it's always been my feelings that i listen to. it really is true. sometimes i just shut my brain off and feel and i dont care if it doesnt make sense or if its gonna screw things up, because it just feels good or feels right and thats all the affirmation i need for things. like when i got together with nina.. she was all thinking about it.. what would happen.. how it would be.. and i told her to stop thinking about it, that it didnt matter, all that mattered was how we felt about eachother. so i've always been one to go with my feelings.. and i mean.. it's gotten me hurt, and it's caused me to hurt other people. and there's always repercussions and confusion. so i've tried thinking more, about what would make me happy, and i've done things to try and be happy. but i'm not happy. when i think about the times that i've been most happy, i know 100% when they were. when i think about happy, i think about one thing. and yeah, everything is going to be a struggle, nothing is perfect, nothing comes easy... but that's when you gotta stick with it and make it better. i'm not happy right now, at the end of the day, i'm not happy. there can be times when i think i am, but when that's gone, when i'm alone, there's something missing. and that something missing is what can make me happy. and i think i'm better off than a lot of people, because i know what it is. and its just right there, it's just within my grasp. and i want it, i want it back again.

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