2014 me cannot understand my 2012 self; who cannot understand my 2006 self as well.

Some people get it quicker than others, the 'trait' we call "maturity" - a loose concept in itself: one can ask whether it is but a means to an end or an end in itself? I've been blessed immensely with certain things in my life, but is there enough time to actually use them properly, to bless others, and not to - say, emotionally manipulate people to serve your ends? Is the distinction such a fine one that it becomes illusory? By taking the long-term deterministic view of things, and trying to trace into a desired outcome, am I attributing too little weight to the here and now; the small things that accumulate bit by bit in the grand scheme of things? Is there a balance to be struck, and are there some things that are so inherently irrational that formulistic me can never hope to comprehend, such as 'reasons' - what more reasons do you need; these things cannot be explained... rationally. Is it wrong to be idealistic - well not being totally idealistic but enough optimism to get through life (I guess being the other extreme - an ultimate pessimist/defeatist - is equally undesirable as well). Do we let our feelings overrule all inklings of stone-cold rationality and the realities we find ourselves in - oh I want this, and that; to be this and not that. Is it alright to let a normative 'ideal' (its in inverted commas because they can be good or not-so-good ones) gnaw at us so much so that it becomes ingrained in our psyche and change the way we view certain things, and people? Does that mean we are judging people - let he who is without sin cast the first stone?

I do not have the answers to all these; I do not hold myself out as the ultimate authority on these things - heck what am I even typing above.

Back to studying.

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