Found this gem of a post(s) while looking through some old stuff on my hard disk.

I've always wanted to share this.. but somehow forgot about it in light of some.. issues.. that consumed me soon after though. Guess only Josie will know what when she compare the dates. The rest not old enough. Ok just kidding

From the (now defunct) blog of Joshua, a.k.a. AdminJL/metoh the Admin/Founder of sgbandfusion.com, I hereby present (with assumed impunity) to you readers out there (not that there are many to begin with, but oh well) a series.. of blog entries from near five years back.

Sunday, July 17, 2005
Ten Commandments of Ah Bengs

Just went through the net and found in some sg forums this. Sounds funny. Read.

The Ten Commandments of Ah Beng

1. Thou are the Father of all around thee. Thou shalt remind them by saying: �Thy Father, me� each time thou speak.

2. Thou shalt share thy music with thy neighbor. Make sure the volume of is loud enough for the whole floor to enjoy.

3. Thou shalt not use the words �Fxxx you� in vain. Always accompany it with a punch.

4. Remember to make thy presence a nuisance under the void deck, in the dark corners of closed shopping centers and in Kopitiams every night.

5. Thou shalt let thy motorbike cuts lanes freely with disregard to the safety of thyself and others.

6. Thou shalt learn how to sell pornography and pirated software as a living.

7. Thou shalt whistle at every girl in sight, fat or skinny, pretty or ugly.

8. Thou shalt borrow stuff and money but do not return them.

9. Thou shalt smoke at least two packs a day.

10. Thou shalt leave graven images and words, even telephone numbers of thy enemies, at every dark corner and toilet

Scribbled by Josh @ 11:10 AM
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Thursday, July 21, 2005
Tips for Band 1

Alright. Im going to start writing series now. Haha. Got time then i post abt my personal life. Jus some tips here on ensemble playing in band.

1. Everyone should try to play the same piece.

2. Stop at every repeat sign and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat or not. Audiences will love this a lot!

3. If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of your partners.

4. Keep your fingering chart handy. You can always catch up with the others further on in the piece.

5. Carefully tune your instrument before playing. That way you can play out of tune all night with a clear conscience.

6. Take your time turning pages.

7. The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note (and vice-versa).

8. If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who get lost.

9. Strive to get the maximum NPS (note per second). That way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.

10. Markings for slurs, dynamics and ornaments should not be observed. They are only there to embellish the score.

11. If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it's easy, speed it up. Everything will work itself out in the end.

12. If you are completely lost, stop everyone and say, "I think we should tune".

13. Happy are those who have not perfect pitch, for the kingdom of music is theirs.

14. If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in detail why you got lost. Everyone will be very interested.

15. A true interpretation is realized when there remains not one note of the original.

16. When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes you have left.

17. A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with authority is an interpretation.

18. Rests are irrelevant.

19. Punctuality is irrelevant.

20. Bathing and/or mouthwash is irrelevant.

21. "Da Capo" means decapitate.

22. "Crescendo" means crush everything in sight.

23. "Poco a poco" means poke everyone with a Klingon torture stick.

24. "Diminuendo" means being sarcastic and is irrelevant.

25. Expression, phrasing and vibrato is damaging to the collective and is irrelevant.

26. Playing in a bouncy, detached manner is irrelevant.......


Musicians out there, please do not be offended. Young ones out there, if you want to live your life as a musician or at least to perform proper music in performances, don't you even dare to execute any of the crazy items listed above...It's just for laughs! This perhaps should be labelled "C.O.P. Rules For Ensemble Playing", (no offence) hmm... -_-

Scribbled by Josh @ 10:37 PM
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Saturday, July 23, 2005
Tips for Band 2

Some ways to annoy people. Try them. If you get whacked thats not my problem.

1. When in a cab, tell the taxi driver on how fast u need to get to ur destination, using music theories..eg. "I'm in a hurry now, can you drive in an Allegro tempo?"

2. When eating things that uses chopstick, use a drumstick instead

3. If by any chance you heard someone farted,yell out loud "Whose trombone is that!?"

4. Knock on someone door, then stand still and starts to conduct when the owner opened the door..

5. When doing math, instead of saying half, use quaver, crotchets and so on..

Scribbled by Josh @ 5:35 PM
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