Here I am alone in my room at 0425 hours on 010110 wondering what to blog about for the first post of the year.
(crap the SAF norms about times and dates seem to be getting into me)

It just feels so.. weird that in less than 72 hours time I would be back on my wretched little abode far away from this place.

Typing this, I feel as though I had never left. The room still looks the same, layout and all - notes and things pertaining to academia stacked rather neatly on a tray beside me, just like it had been for the past two years. Maybe yesterday was just prom night; perhaps the fact that I woke up in the afternoon just now implied that I'm just enjoying my summer holidays lazing about at home waiting for the commencement of the new school term. Oh, what if last week was just a surreal dream, an Outward Bound School or Sec 3 camp of sorts, and that everything would all be over now.

Yes I am living in self-denial, trying to convince myself that what I had been through was just a dream with a lousy script. A dream that will end when I wake up the next day. In reality this dream came too early.. way too early to me. There are so many loose ends that I had yet to tie up; things I had not accomplished; friends that I had not met up with. No night ever passes without a glimpse back into the past - a flashback of sorts. Back at my halcyon days, where I was still a free man, free to pursue my own devices. A blast of the past.. to the moments that can never be replayed in reality anymore.

2009 probably was a year of missed opportunities; though I had gained much too. If today was 010109 instead, I can be confident of doing well in every single exam. And I will learn to play the High School anthem. Maybe I will start listening to the World Service now instead of 'discovering' it just after Prelims. Perhaps I can have been more industrious perfecting my tone and technique. Most importantly of all I will visit the gym and run three times a week without fail to keep fit.
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Last year I had three main goals which I wanted to achieve.. One year on.. Its apt to look back and see how much had I actually accomplished..

1. I want to LOOK FORWARD, and FORGET the past.
It has not been easy, yet today I can truly say that I have moved on from the events of 2 to 3 years ago. I forgave myself for who I was in the past. It had been a process fraught with agony and disappointment; yet it has also taught me much. While some of my ex-classmates still meet up and so on, I am not sad or emo about it for I know I had not earned the right to do so. 'Time heals all wounds' or so as they say. It is very true indeed. Teenage adolescence, impudence and egos reign no more.

2. Continue to CONNECT, and to GIVE
I am just thankful to have friends whom I can rely on in times of need. Friends who will always just be a phone call or SMS away. (: People who can whisk my attention away from the rigours of training.. And organise outings to relieve my sian-ness.

3. Striving hard in STUDIES
Alright, I have to admit I was quite lucky to even receive a Diploma with Merit at the end of my course. My results had not picked up significantly over the past year.. With the elusive A grade still unattained. Then again, I can say unashamedly that I'd put in my all for the A's. Maybe the end-product will be pleasing visually.. yet I know I could have laid a better foundation in 2008 instead of switching off at times.
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This year.. Even with these unfortunate circumstances surrounding me, I hope that it will be a most enriching year yet. So much so that when I look back on 010111 I can say unabashedly "Wow.. 2010 was really great.. And I had gained so much using what I have by God's grace".

1. Work HARD - Endure, EXCEL
Maybe its fated that I have to surrender my pink identification card this early, and that this will be the threshing floor on which I will be refined into gold. Gold for IPPT. Unattainable? Well that's what this resolution is for.The next few weeks will be both physically and mentally torturing. Imagine having to do OCPT after some strenuous activity, or sustaining the plank or push-up position when we're already shagged. Or getting RT-ed on Saturdays hence dashing any plans to meet up with someone or some people - this is the ultimate man, with a cooldown of 7 days.

First break the zero barrier by late Jan/early Feb - then concentrate on getting the 6 to pass. RTs are inevitable - there's a reason why I enlisted so early no? I also need to overcome the repulsion towards my little island that I currently possess (quite evident to all that I absolutely abhor it).

Its not by chance I happen to be in a platoon that has the most emphatic commanders, or in a section that thinks smartly and does not do stupid things that will lead to confinement (probably we need to touch up on area cleaning skills though). Army - A rite of passage or a waste of time? I guess its up to us to decide what we want this term to mean.

2. STRENGTHEN bonds; foster DEEPER relationships
Ecc 4:10 - If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Its very easy once all the guys enlist for us to just drift apart from one another. Hence it is imperative that we all keep in touch and go out often.

Last year I wrote about the importance of phone calls.. and that has not, and never will, change this year. As i'd mentioned many times.. a phone call is not just about hearing someone else on the other side. It is more to do with a connection between souls, even if they're an ocean away from my little island - an avenue for sharing, distraction, motivation, encouragement. I guess these calls will be the only means by which I can remain sane and sanguine throughout my stay. (It speaks a lot about the 'resort' if people have to pay you to take up lodging there! =/)

Here's wishing also to have the time to meet up with the cell group every weekend as well. In addition also for our section 3 to bond, to stick through this shit together; as well for Mark to visit our level more often so we can chat.. and let someone hear a different voice at the end of the phone line for a change =P

3. Aim HIGH, PLAN for the future
This looks similar to the first point but this is more to do with the long term, i.e. after BMT and ORD.

If my results are somewhat stellar, then I can start considering Uni applications already. Most probably I'll stay in Singapore still unless a miracle transpires that I attain an A for GP and correspondingly a scholarship overseas.

I'll try to study for SATs (just for fun.. who know how useful it might be) during my
free time while on vocation and sit for it next year. I just hope I don't need to recourse my A Levels.

Vocation wise.. I don't have any high hopes right now given my circumstances. Yet this is after all a resolution.. and who knows what might happen by the end of the year. So the next best alternative besides being a storeman or medic is probably command school. So this links back to point 1 too.
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The past is gone.. What's left is the future.
I both dread and anticipate 3rd Jan.. Dread because it will be the day I board the vessel to my holiday chalet. On the other hand.. there will be people returning from overseas.. so we can all go have outings as a full section/class again on Saturdays. And I can go kajiao them during admin time (just kidding..)


Normally I would be lazing about in bunk waiting for first parade after breakfast. Today I am still by my computer.. still energetic and not feeling lethargic at all.

Well then.. at 0700 hours, I wish all readers and friends..
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
and may all your wishes and dreams come true (:

or translated roughly as..
新年快乐!
在新的一年里希望你的梦想都能起飞! (:

(I wonder where I adapted that last line from.. Wonder if I can go for this year's 黄城夜韵.)

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