So, Money. I kind of have a love hate relationship with money. On the one hand, I like to think of myself as some kind of existentialist, to exist without the petty concerns of the ordinary man (pft, arrogant much?), but on the other hand, I am painfully aware of my personal drain on society. After all, I need to eat, bathe and sleep, just like everyone else. I believe, on some level, that maintaining my lifestyle is not actually FOR me. It�s for all the people who care about me and have invested all their time and energy into my life and my education. I feel like it�s somehow my duty to relieve them of that duty� well, about three years ago. But, the fact remains that I am still dependent, and only able to give back in small ways to my community.

You see, if a person is useful, no matter what maladies they suffer or trials they face, they are worth having on this Earth. I�d like to believe that all people have the capacity to have worth in this way. Whether you are like me (ditzy, disorganized and a little bit weird) or you have other flaws, each of us has the power to give back. But how?

I want to do something that is useful to those around me, something that directly gives back to the community. But, if anyone knows anything, they know that what people want and what people need are not only two different things, but just as difficult to predict as predicting the weather. Well then, you might say, why don�t we just do what we love and then everything will work out? �Well, does it? What if your work does not have value? What if your work has invisible value? How will you be able to tell? How will you be able to tell the difference? Do you wait until your function is eliminated and it begins to impact society or do you press for your position, demanding people recognize its function? What if, after all that demanding, people still claim your function is obsolete, that you are, in essence, worthless?

So you see, while I am talking about function and value and worth, I am actually talking about money, except that money is only a representative of these things. It is a physical representative of a spiritual function, and this it is so demoralizing to not be able to support myself with� money. I have spoken so plainly, I feel as though I have missed something here, some metaphor, some unique insight, but maybe that is not why I�m writing, maybe I am bogged down by the sea of the obvious and the mundane, paralyzed by the weight of it, but galled by its simplicity. It is a struggle, but so common, it barely is worth mentioning. I must prove my worth, cultivate my value, and grow my place in the world, and even though I have more support that I could really say that I deserve, no one can help me do this� and that�s tough.

So thoughtful. I don't know your situation exactly, but I think individual people and society as a whole could benefit from having this kind of self-awareness. Especially people our age who are still starting out with proving our worth in the world.

Me personally, I think it's absurd that money should be the goal most people strive for, and the determining factor of a person's position in the world. Out of all the abstract ideas we've come up with, money has the least weight emotionally or spiritually (it means absolutely nothing compared to love, respect, fear, etc.), but the most weight over our reality.
» le_battement on 2013-09-03 01:14:11

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