listening to: Bent by Matt Nathanson
mood: excited
It's been too damn long...

People who read this probably think I'm losing my mind, and I'd agree with them. So, what's happened since October 23rd?
Well, for about two years now I've been stalking my ex-boyfriend on Myspace. Yes, at least once a week I would check his page to see what was going on his life. Don't flip out, I know you do it, too. Well, right around the end of October I noticed that he was single again, as he'd been dating/moved in with this girl for a while. So, I decided to send him a message. Now, some of you all might think this is crazy, but I knew him pretty well and if he didn't want to talk to me, he would just ignore it. He had been ignoring me for two years at this point, so I figured what's the harm? Well, we ended up messaging back and forth for a while and one Friday I gave him my number and he called me and the rest is history.
All the old feelings came back. We hung out a few times and we both knew that we needed to give this another chance. We both grew up. We were both put in situations to show us just how we were to each other. It was amazing. I knew we could always be friends. We loved the same music and enjoyed doing the same things. I always wanted a friendship. The thing is, though, is that we have passion. Insane and wild passion for each other. It's crazy.
So, skip to the present moment. I have only 14 days left in Maryland. Yup, I know I just moved here, but we both know. I've never been in a situation where I just know. And this time, I know. I'm moving in with him at the end of the month. I know it's right. We know it's right.
I know I hurt her. I feel guilty for it, but come on, it was due. Overdue even. One day good, the next day we weren't speaking. It hasn't been healthy since the day it started. We became friends and nothing more. I'm not sure if we were even really friends. I sometimes think we were both just lonely and needed someone to take up our time.
I'm happy. I know I overreact sometimes, but he puts up with it and calms me down. I'm so excited. I'm ready to begin my life now. The next part. The fun part. I get to be with the one I love and spend time with our fabulous friends. It's going to be amazing. My life is like a movie. Not too many people get their first loves back. I do, though, and we're gonna make it work. We will make the world jealous. We will prove them all wrong. We just need to make it through the next two weeks apart.

i'm glad you got your first love back.
don't take it for granted.
it's hard sometimes because you get comfortable. i'm lucky enough to have christine in my life again and i'm trying everything i can to show her there's a reason we keep finding each other. nothings as perfect when we're together. it gets tough sometimes, but we find our way through. sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's amazing, but we always come out on top. the world will be jealous, jamie. i'm sad to hear you're moving. but at least i know you'll be happier than ever.
» ThisCharmingMan on 2008-01-17 10:34:47

all the best to u.
» renaye on 2008-01-18 08:02:30

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