will i take excedrine pm when my heads already messed up. it didnt put me to sleep, it just made me feel exhausted and made my head more out of control, which eventually led to a pretty incoherent, incapacitated meltdown.

i know from past experience that he gets scares, and his tendency when im upset and he doesnt know what to do is to just let me get it out of my system. i also know that he has a wonderful ability to hold me and make me feel safe, he just usually leans towards option #1. last night it set something even worse off, and to me it meant i was alone, worthless, and unloved. i flipped out more, locked him out of the bedroom, and proceeded with my meltdown.

i really hope he knew how sincere i was when i said "im sorry" for things my head makes me do, especially when im like that, and unaware of it. i hope he knows how much i need him, especially at those times, and how much of a sanctuary his arms have become for me....if only theyd come to me when im falling. there was a night when we first started dating where he slept next to me holding my hand, and id never felt so loved or protected in my life...

someday ill figure out how to avoid these messes. someday ill get through to him just how much he means to me...

until then...dear diary...

have you told him the way you just told us?

give it a try
» crochetmama on 2006-09-28 09:34:10

Ah, the diary. What a wonderful thing it is. :)
» randomjunk on 2006-09-28 04:34:50

aww
I hope things work out :(

This just hasn't been your week
» lazypuppy on 2006-09-28 08:40:38

Hand games? Like

Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack
Are you on crack crack crack
and if you're not not not
then you're just whack whack whack.....

Hehe. I just can't rememer the real one. :)
» randomjunk on 2006-09-29 06:32:04

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