2007 is one of the toughest year for me.

jobs changing, goals, the future, money, matters with the heart, health...never before they come charging to me like a nicely formed troops.

Went to National Skin Centre this monday and the doc told me the only way to keep my very bad ezcema (those who have seen me would have noticed the red rash and bumps) at bay is stop myself from being so stress...cuz my condition is igitated by stress. I looked at the doctor and felt my eyes tearing up, what does he know man!!! telling me to be stress free!! if it can be done so easily i wont come to you!! but shit no i told myself i wont be crying in front of a total stranger.

Anyway im starting work on thursday, although i thought i might need more time to probabaly wait for news from my old company but the new company needed someone to takeover urgently. From the interview i had with my old company, they can't confirm whether the position is still available although it was mentioned i have a good chance being shortlisted if there are opening, thus weighing the uncertainty and my current dreadful situation i agreed to start work this week and signed the contract today.

Been doing alot of thinking (what can a jobless person do lol). So much so that i got so lost. Lost of who i am now, lost of what i wanted, lost of where i am going, lost of what i need to work for in the first place. My pride, the outside world, my failure, the nightmarish time and experience left from the last company were constantly there waiting to sneak in anytime attempting to break me down. I wish i can tell someone yet hated to be seen in such state.

I am not shouting for help, instead i look for understanding. The understanding im seeking is for people who having read this and not come to me feeling sorry for my situation. Please allow be to laugh, joke and be my crazy self when i am with you, because i am most grateful for my friends just being my side. And when i am ready to come to you with my problems i hope you will be smiling saying "okie spamy what do we have here" lol.

The new job might not be the most satisfying, but heck let me get rid of the foremost problem first, just gimmi the moneehh...

I will look forward to my birthday this year, i am not going to sulk at home feeling sorry or hating my life. I am going to party with you guys, i need you all to know how freaking lucky i am to have my friends, so lucky that maybe god* got fed up and decided i need some bumps here and there hahaha but its all bloody worth it.
*me citing god doesnt mean i believe in god

My birthday wishlist

- free dinners
- a new wallet
- a new handphone Nokie E65
- topshop accessories that match with my clothes (mine all gone rusty)

simple and easy to fulfill i hope.

Earlier the night my woman instinct hit me all of a sudden and i decided to confirm it. His sms reconfirmed that gut feeling. Everyone seems to be attached recently...and dunnoe why i have been singing this song out loud unconsiously for the past two days.

nice song...for those who know chinese.

Fine, I and thought.
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» Keenan (219.139.158.59) on 2010-09-03 09:17:53

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