It's been exactly once week since i log online.

I've got 2 wisdom tooth growing out on the left and i got these sudden urge of grabbing milo's bone and chew myself.But i guess the painkillers are working, ive been in a groggy transmission,slept for 4 hrs straight, and i also get to chomp thru a bowl of noodles without pausing after every 2 bites.

I dont enjoy working overtime.I dont enjoy being stuck in the office for endless hours.But i feel lost when im out of it.Not being at work just further emphasize how a loner i am.I dont blame anyone cuz i've choosen to be one.Im duper sick and tired of thinking you've got a friend, someone, only to end up have them disappearing or turn into strangers.

Is it so hard to maintain a relationship with someone? May it be between friends, collegues, cousins or 'someone new'. It never seems so hard when im younger.Everyone has this wall built between them and the outside world, and i can see myself stacking the bricks on my wall.Its not that im suffering from any inferior complexity, or the world is getting uglier, although it did seems uglier the older i get.We learn with time, i learn there are people who are just like that! i learn to accept the imperfections, i learn to say the right things in different situations, i learn to not say anything during wrong situations, i learn to speak up when i think it's nescessary, i learn to deal with people.But why are my walls getting stronger as well too?

I cant explain the times i'll just stop talking during a conversation, afraid that if i asked too much or said too much i might find out something i dont want to know.I dont want to know her love interest, i dont want to know she's having problems with her family, i dont want to know hes feeling lonely, i dont want to know he needs help with his love life, i dont want to know the she's having a difficult time getting a loan, i dont want to know that he needs a listening ear after a fight with the gf, i dont even want to know whether he try to kill himself.I just dont want to get closer. Very selfish isnt it.
But i guess it's better for them to know i know nothing then to know and not do anything.

I did get my share of retribution.There are some people im very keen of having a nice hangout with,people i think are worth of me stepping out of my wall, but i suppose either they dont feel the way i feel about them, having great walls themselves too or they are just really busy like they mentioned.I shld expect that since its what im giving to the society hahaha.

Like my cousin.I miss hanging out with her.She's someone different, which is what i really need, but sadly our relationship needs maintainence.For someone like me who works more than i sleep.the relationship is fruitless.Our timming is always wrong.There are times she needs company and im not there, there are times i need hers and shes not here.We just keep failing each other to the point i think we gave up.It happens.

I believe they are peeps out there like me.Ppl either get 'closer' to you at the wrong time, or when u decided to get 'closer' ,it turns out too late.

I have no advice to anyone.I dont wish to say cherish every moment you have with him or her and things like that.I dont think it really works.You dont have to make good things happens, good things just happens.

this is a pathetic post.anyway kj if you're reading this.all above are not applicable to you cuz you're indispensable.period.

Name.

URL.

[to enter your email, use "mailto:[email protected]"]
Subject.

Comment.

Word verification.

Copy the first 4 characters only.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.