Butterflies have been giving me strength lately. Only a select few people know truly why, and the ones who do are the ones I trust. I don't feel like posting for the whole world to know and even if I did, I know people would laugh and look down upon me. My butterfly poem was resently published in the anthology, Timeless Voices. The school is going to order a copy for the library. Mrs. Stanfield also said she might put it in the paper. I'm happy but sad on the same token. I'm happy that everything has been seemingly going my way. But, on the other hand, I'm sad that Amber isn't here in Troy to share it with me. I haven't heard from her since January 19th. I sent her another email the other day. She is really like a second mom to me and I love her. I have been thinking about reincarnation a great gdeal latly. What are some of your theroies? Lately I've given a lot of thought as to what I was in a past life. I have came to one theroy I'm particuarlly fond of: That Amber and I were once seeds of a flower and grew up strong and happily attracting butterflies to our garden. What do ya think? She told me that I've "blossomed so much last year" which was by far the most spitful year of them all. But with Amber's help... I became a butterfly that has broken free. At lest that's what she told me. So, I guess I posted our butterfly secret after all. In a resent entry I entitled 10 Months Ago... referres to the worst day of my life. Actually the day before was THE worst but the 28th was the day every one I loved found out. The truth is that I'm an X-self-harmer. I used to cut myself deliberatly. I don't like to talk about it but I want everyone to know why I've been so down. Amber came into my life about this time last year... thats why I've been so "not me" I haven't cut since March 28th 2006. And June 29th was the last time I saw Amber before she moved back to Maryland. I wonder if we will ever see eachother again... So, this morning I get this email which made me think I never will again. This is what is said:

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.


It really makes me wonder... My mom tells me it can't end this way between Amber and I. She never even told me she was leaving... which hurts but yet I understand to a certain point. She didn't want me to blame myself and start cutting again. I remember the first time I did it... I was in my room almost completely dark with a pair of sissors.... shaking... with my sell phone on... the only light in the room... slicting at my young, 12 year old skin.I never wanna do it again... ever.... can anyone just give me some inspiration.... I need some... before it's too late!.!.!

Categories: Butterflies [t]

wow sarah
i dunno really what to say. except u are a great person and that u should never do that again. i am sorry that u had to go trough that, that anyone had to go through that. if u ever need to talk, i am here. As well as nutang...thats what i have always used mine for is to vent and express myself. i hope that u can see that u are a great person and that nothing should make u feel like that
» brittybratty8907 on 2007-02-06 07:35:49

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