Ok so like i went to the band practice last night and when i got home i felt so inadequate. and heres why: SO i was thinking that this whole band thing was going to be a little more permanent... and well i was totally wrong. as it turns out i am a fill in for the regular pianist cause she cant be there this friday. And that i am totally fine with cause i dont really like to play for people anyways cause i hate showing off and i feel like im showing off...... although to be completely honest i was a little let down but it wasnt really that bad....... what made me feel inadequate was that the regular pianist was there last night and she was playing with them and she was like God re-incarnate as a pianist...... I mean i first i was awed...... and then i saw what i wasn't, and then i saw what i could be........but then i realized how much work that was going to be and how i dont really have anyone to show me how to play that i just kinda teach myself......which i guess is a great accomplishment that im even filling in for her...... but I had to play like right after she played and i like really did not want to cause im NOWHERE near her level...... ugh so i practiced all day today....I have a final tomorrow and all i could think about is how i suck at the piano and i need to get better cause im playing in front of people on friday......2 days....AGH!!!!!!! NOTE: i used to just deal with this by drinking my fears away but since ive decided not to do that anymore i think im starting to go a little crazy....OMG i gotta go practice...typing isnt helping me get better.......blah......

I understand your frustrations as a musician.
It's a really competitive field, and if you compare yourself to others you can get down on yourself pretty quickly. Just do the best that you can and you will live up to your aspirations. It's just about staying with it.
» redintersectsme on 2006-08-02 11:03:31

It'll all be okay.
You'll be fantastic - don't worry about it!
Seeing [er, in this case, hearing] other people who are further along than you are helps set your goal for what you want to be. er, I think, anyways.

Don't worry too much about Friday - you'll do great!
Glad to see you're stickin' to your decision. keep on keepin' on!
» invisible on 2006-08-02 11:30:49

Woah! I play piano in a band too. And I often feel inadequate. You should read up on Michel de Montaigne! He had a lot to say about feeling inadequate. At least that is what I learnt today.

Well done on the not drinking front... I told myself I wasn't going to drink anymore and I broke that promise three times before I actually did it. So you're awesome!

Good luck on Friday. =]

P.S. The book was actually really, really good! I cried a few times. If only I had gone to sleep a little earlier...
» okidpokie on 2006-08-03 04:35:26

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