Girls... I am so upset.
I am so cut up.
I am so torn inside of me.
I believed so much in him,
that he would not cheat on me.

but the trust is broken.
totally gone.
only yesterday i did something i never ever wan to do.

That is to check his hp when he's sleeping.
I know its violating his privacy
but i just need to know
cuz deep down i know things are very wrong.

All along he's in contact wif his ex-gf. Ann.
From the messages they share
i can feel the intimacy between them.

fact cut me like a sharp blade.

i know now. i was right all along.

Asked him to own up to what he has been doing.
Denial is all he could give me.
Eventually he admitted everything to me..

Quoted from his words.
" I feel very comfortable with her around.
I never forget her and let her go all this time.
I still like her"

People say facts are cruel.
Indeed it hurts like anything in this world.

he even request 1 day from me..
for him to think it through.
Aint things clear enough now?
Aint it clear that I am not the one
he is looking for?
Why does he even do this to me?
why?

Having an extra day or not doesnt really matter.
Decisions are already made.
Why stll wanna drag it on further?
i am ripped apart into pieces.

I could have given him a tight slap
flare up at him and walk away.
But why did i even stay and listen to what
he has to say to me, and even
pretend to be strong?

That's because i love him so much.
I cant bear to do it all on him.

Friends anymore? he asked.
Now it seems he has gone overboard.

"you two-timed on me.. and even asked for
my forgiveness now and be friends with you still?
Sorry. I cant do it. For you hurt me so bad.
I never knew betrayal and unfaithfulness can
bring about so much pain and misery."

I let him go. They should be together. Although I wished
I was the one he can be with in the end.

I am so torn.
Trust me.
I dun even know if this is a blessing in disguise.

In a way I am glad that I saw through him.
In a way I feel so cheated of my everything.

Lord, its so painful to be in love.
Let him regret on me.
Let me be suave and let things go.

Today he just messaged and called me.
I ignored all of them.
He says he still want to be together with me.

Lord, is this a prank?
I cannot afford any of these games anymore.
Is he sincere? Is he really repentful?
Questions and questions circling in me.

Lord, could you answer them all for me?
I am so lost. so confused.
I know not what to do anymore.
Would you be kind Lord,
and show me your guidance?

Thank you Lord for showing me
your care and your guidance.

As the night falls
I embrace myself in tears.

I'm so sorry. :(
» Zanzibar on 2007-11-23 01:04:08

that is so... so... horrible...
what an arse!!! i'm sorry... but... first thing i thought when i read this was 'omw... i'm so sorry for you... ;_;' then when i saw that he wanted 1 more day to make a decision i thought 'WTF!' what NERVE!!! if ANYONE should be asking for one more day for a decision whether to dump or stick, it should be YOU.

you should have slapped him there and then... guys like that... they're not worth it... they're really not... when you find your "The One", you'll know they'd never do something like that to you--you deserve so much better! he doesn't deserve your love...

i feel so bad for you, and just completely angry at that guy... i know you probably don't want to hear what an arse he is (either because you might still love him or for whatever reason) but by reading this entry, by what you've just said of him all i can conclude is he really is an arse and definitely not worth your affections...

you really deserve so much better, and i know for certain God will show you "The One" soon... ♥
xxx

L8r,

��Kuriח
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