Sometimes I think I go a little overboard. I think everyone feels like this at one point or another.
I want things to be like they were before everyone left.
I know its a lofty wish, but I want it to happen so very badly.
It is no fun when all your friends move away, and you're still stuck in a one-horse town. I feel like I'm going stir crazy.
And when I do get to see my friends when they come home, it is the most wonderful and amazing time of my life.
I struggle with the in-betweens.
I long for the days of lazy days with my best friends.
It's a different story now.
Don't get me wrong. I still have friends here. However I very rarely see them like I used to. I do go to school. But it takes up very little of my time. From 9:30am to 12:15 or 1:45, give or take the day. Only Mondays thru Thursdays. I generally go to school, come home, take a nap and then I'm up for hours on end (like I am now. *tsk*) and struggle to get up in the morning and start my routine all over again. The weekends are so lonely. I do appreciate my own time, believe me I do. But when it's all I've got? It gets really lonely. I love my parents, but they're not my friends. It's different. But, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm struggling. Struggling badly. I'm just treading water at this point. Barely staying afloat. I haven't really been this way in years. It's actually a little bit frightening. Oh, who am I kidding? It scares me shitless. I get so worked up if I am not able to go out and be social. I am most definitely a social person. I believe I got spoiled when I moved here. Before I moved here, I pretty much had 3 friends. That was it. I move here, and I have so many friends that I don't know what to do with. (I promise, I'm not trying to sound like I think I'm amazing) I was always getting asked if I could do something, or go somewhere with someone. All. The. Time. I guess I just got used to always being around people. I know I'm such a people person, and it kills me to not have that daily interaction with people. I'm just being overly pessimistic, I think. I'm also very sorry that I've gone on so long about this. This is no pity party for Emily.
It's just been a really long time since I've been able to express my feelings clearly, without keeping everything to myself.
It's nice to have a healthy release, instead of what was eventually to come if I was still carrying on, on the same road I am going. :)

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