I never really liked to sew but I did love my mom. :)

Wow...it has almost been 5 years. I haven't sewn in all that time, my dad has sewn more then I did. I had sewn a button onto a blouse today and all I can do was think about my mom and writing this entry. She also taught me how to do needlepoint, I like doing that becuase I get to work on different patterns in sewing you can't do that, my mom never really taught me how to do sewing patterns. I miss her so much.

Right before she died she wasn't doing too much sewing and/or needlepoint, she wasn't doing that much, she was too sick from chemotherepy to do anything except for watching television. About three weeks before my mom died she was tired all the time but she was unable to sleep. She went to the doctor and they said that she was severly anemic, her doctor decided to do a colonopscopy and discovered a tumor in her colon.

She was sent immediately to the hospital which was in Manhattan a pain in the neck to go to becuase I lived and worked in Queens so I was only able to visit her on the weekends. They operated and tried to take out the tumor but they couldn't becuase it was too liguidy, they took a catscan and saw that she had other types of cancer, one of them was ovarian. A little over a week later they gave her, her first dose of chemo, they thought she did well on it and sent her home, that was on a Tuesday.

The next day I stayed home with her, the roles were reversed I was like a parent taking care of her. Cleaning up after her when she got sick and getting her something to eat. It happened almost 5 years ago, but I still remember like it happened last year. The next day I went to work and I worked late, when I got home I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, I had to urge to say "I love you" to her, I don't know why,I never really said that really before except when I was playing with someone, but I said it. The next morning at about 3am my dad was yelling for my sister and I to come downstairs becuase we have to bring my mom to the hospital, the paramedics came and announced to us that she had died.

It was a shock and a relief to us: a shock becuase we didn't think she would die that quick and relief becuase she died quickly and didn't have to suffer much, so it was like a Catch 22, either way your screwed.

I would have dreams that my mom was alive back from the dead and free from cancer, the only thing that I kept on thinking in the dream was how to explain to people. I didn't like the show Pushing Daisies, becuase of the basis of the show that the main character touched a dead person and they became alive and then he would touch the person and they would die, it was too freaky to me. I mean why doe she have the power to determine when someone should live and when they should die. Bringing people back to life is freaky but your adding the aspect that he can make the person die again. That is just not right.

On Friday, August 1st will be the 5th anniversary of my mom's death, she will forever be missed. She was a great teacher, she helped me with my homework, helped me to study for my tests and also how to sew among other things.

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