Whoa, haven't been updating my blog in such a long time. Looking back at my previous posts, there are so many major changes happened. I've graduated with unexpected grades (Thank God, they are 'unexpectedly' good grade!), I've found a job and loving it so far and I thought I have found someone I love for the rest of my life, well, at least I still think he is.

I know in my previous entries, I've referred him as Baby, but now I'm just not sure. Looking back, now I think it sounds a bit cheesy referring him that. I don't think he's ever called me Baby. So I will give him a new name. Hmm, I was thinking of his initial, but I'll take a pass on that because it's going to be obvious. Well, it's not like he knows that I keep a blog, and I still remain anonymous in this blog. But one should not be too careless, this is my one and only channel to express my own feeling. If I keep a blog on MySpace or Facebook, people are going to ask tons of questions and answering everyone's queries is the last thing I want to do.

Ok, I have side-tracked. I think I'll just refer him as Smiley. I got to admit that he can charm me with his smile. He can easily sweep my feet off the ground just by smiling. I guess that's why he's also a lady's man among the girls.

It's unbelievable that we were together for a year plus. If I would put a word to describe the whole experience, I'll just say 'watery' or 'teary'. There's no cheating involved but let's just say that we both no doubt have worked so hard to keep things together.

Unfortunately (I guess people see this coming, and myself, too), things didn't work out despite us working so hard on it. All the phone calls, hugs and kisses to ensure both of us are on the same page, are in vain. But I always think, if things are meat to be, there's no need to work so hard on it. Things will always fall on its place when they are meant to be. Well, it's proven to me.

Thank God we've never made any promises to each other. This break up thing is a whole lot more easily without any prior promises. But I have a little secret, I've thought and actually dreamed of him proposing to me! I guess it's not a secret anymore. I can still remember the dream so vividly, and it actually puts a smile on my face whenever I think about it. It was so scary and sweet. Such complicated feelings but yet so memorable.

Well, I have that prefect dream so why ruin it? Maybe we won't be that happy if we are to get married, perhaps we'll always fight about bills and other stuff. So I just want to keep this dream in perfection. At least, I still can imagine it a bit and be happy about it.

Gosh, just wish that I don't miss him so badly in the following days and even now. All I can do is just praying that things will get better soon, regardless of us being together or not.

Deecy

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