Endless Love by Alfred Gockel

I haven’t blog for quite sometime. All these assignments and presentations are killing me right now. I am glad that this current semester is going to end soon.

As usual, I have been spending a lot of time with Baby. I think I’m beginning to feel that I am clinging too much on him. I feel totally lost and completely lonely if I don’t get to see him for a day. I know it’s a bad sign. I guess I really have to divide my time among my family, friends and Baby.

As days gone by, I realize that my feelings towards him have gone deeper and deeper. Many times, when he’s sleeping next to me, I find myself starring deep in his face like he has the most fascinating face that amazed me completely.

And many of times, he will ask me to stop starring at him because he says there’s nothing special about it. Then he will take his pillow or his hand to cover his face. He can be act like a little boy at times. But I continue to do so to annoy him.
But he does not know the real reason why I stare at him. It’s because I am afraid. I am very afraid. I am very afraid that I might not get the chance to do so anymore. I am very afraid that one day I no longer see him. I am very afraid one day we will not be together anymore. I am very afraid one day he loves someone else.

Once I told him the reason why I like starring at him. I told him the real reasons and he asked why. I said I didn’t know why. But he refused to believe that. Maybe I just not ready to tell him that because I’m afraid of losing him. But in my heart, the line ‘because I’m afraid of losing you’ was playing a zillion times but I was having problem telling him that. I was almost in tears that time because the thought of not seeing him anymore. I was afraid I might burst out crying in front of him if I continued telling him.

I was so glad that I didn’t cry that time. I didn’t want him to see me cry ever again. I didn’t want him to think that I was such a crying baby and emotional person. But anyway, I guess I picked the wrong timing to tell him about it because he was quite tired and sleepy after a long night. He didn’t recall anything about it after he woke up. He remembered I said something but didn’t remember what it was about. Guys can be such a pig at times.

Looking from the bright side, I guess the fear of losing him actually makes me not to take him for granted. I appreciate every moment I spent with him. At least if something unpredictable happens in the future, I still remember all the things we did together, all the things he did for me and all the things I did for him.
I don’t know if all these are normal, but I know I’m head over heels with him.

Note to self: I made a promise to myself which is I only plan for today or next week and I won’t think about what’ll happen I a month, in a year or in a decade. Hopefully, I won’t think too much about the unpredictable.


- Get Your Own

Categories: love [t]

♥
Yeah, I feel like I'm too clingy to my boyfriend too.

Sometimes, when I plan to see him.. I can't cuz of my parents. & when I don't see him at all for a day or a week.. it's like, almost all my friends have changed, the only person I ever hang out w/ now is my boyfriend.. =/.
» ShaShaBoo on 2007-08-18 02:26:52

To ShaShaBoo
Well, I guess it's not too late to be an independent hot chick now! Hehe...
» deecy on 2007-08-19 05:17:07

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